Over again
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: 'Okay, you're here for a reason, and you know it too. Now, you'll get to see what you missed out on.' Patrick Jane awakes one morning to find his life has completely changed. The question is, does he like the change? Jisbon, Rated K plus but there can be some bad language in there.
1. Chapter One

**A/N: Well, hello there! I know I have another story that I should really finish, namely 'The Great Mr Jane', but I'm kinda stuck with that one... I know, already after one chapter, but I don't even know if I want to continue that one... so I came up with this! Really, the idea started after I'd seen The Family Man, so yes, I got the inspiration from that movie but I'll try to make it as original as possible ^^**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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**_'Over again'_**

Jane's motel room had a great view on a gray building. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It was almost Christmas, and these were the days where he missed them the most. He should be sitting with Charlotte around the Christmas tree, she probably texting some friend of hers – or worse, her boyfriend.

It should've been like that.

Instead, he was stuck in a motel with nothing else to do. No future at all. With no one.

Yes, his mind wandered to _her_ again. He wondered sometimes how it would've been if he had just let go of his fear and indulged in that feeling he'd had the first time he'd met her.

He sighed again. His mind shouldn't go there. It was dangerous, it would make him wistful, sad. He shouldn't feel like that-  
Dammit, he wanted her. And maybe that was just the problem – he didn't have her. Not in that way anyway. Not in the way he wanted to have her.

He shook his head, clearing his mind, and shrugged off his jacket. He had to stop thinking about her. He couldn't have her. He'd had enough chances, hell, he even suspected that they were laughing at him up there for his missed chances.

He fell face forward onto his bed, and within minutes, he fell asleep.

~OverAgain~

Jane woke up to the feel of a warm item pressed against his chest. A warm... breathing item.

He frowned, and opened his eyes, to be met by dark-brown hair. He froze - he would recognize that hair everywhere.

He shot up, and looked down immediately.  
There she was. Teresa Lisbon. Vast asleep. Her little fist tucked under her chin, her face peaceful like she'd never looked like. Her belly rounded, not much, probably four or five months. He couldn't help but adore – wait, what? Her belly was rounded? Sure he'd missed something here.

"No! No! Perry, you're mean, give me my hairbrush back!" a small voice exclaimed from another room, and Jane straightened even further. That sounded like a child's voice.

What was going on here?

"Teresa?"

She groaned, and turned onto her other side, facing him, but her eyes stayed closed.

"No, Patrick, just a few more minutes. Please. Cho doesn't expect me at the office before eight."

Cho was expecting her?

"What do you mean?"

She opened one eye, then her eyebrows scrunched together in one of her typical Lisbon frowns.

"Are you alright, Patrick?"

He swallowed, ran a hand through his hair, and nodded. He didn't dare to say anything, he didn't trust his voice yet.

He really had no idea what was happening here.

Lisbon sighed, and pushed herself up. She unconsciously brushed her belly, then got up out of the bed and stood there for a few moments. Then, she turned around and quickly put a knee on the bed. She reached for him and pulled him closer, linking their lips.

Out of shock, he froze completely, only to melt into the kiss after a few moments. She tasted like a strange but delicious mixture of cinnamon and strawberries – he had no idea how she could taste like that, considering she'd only just woken up, but she did.

He felt a pang of guilt and regret spread through his body, and he pulled away as if burned. She looked at him, almost hurt, then just flashed him one of her breath-taking smiles, and left the room.

He could faintly hear a baby crying in between the other kids' ranting.

Jane fell back onto the pillow and took in everything he was witnessing right now.

He had been in bed with _her_, with Lisbon. She'd kissed him, her belly was rounded, so.. she was pregnant, probably of _his_ child. There were children fighting in the background, and considering it was in the same building as he was, they had to be their children as well-

This... this couldn't be true. He had to be dreaming. This was all a dream. A beautiful, sweet, completely wrong dream.

He slapped his face, hard, but that only resulted in him winching in pain.

Okay, so this wasn't a dream.

What was it then? It sure as hell wasn't reality. It couldn't be. It... couldn't be.

"Patrick!" Lisbon exclaimed, and he shot up. He jumped out of the bed and ran through the house in search for Lisbon, his head light with confusion and... he couldn't quite figure that other one out yet. It did oddly feel like love, but that hardly could be true, right?

He found her in a bright pink nursery, balancing a baby on her hip while groaning and snorting. She looked up at him and breathed a sigh of relief.  
"Thank God. I can't reach the diapers. I'm gonna fall, I know it."

He looked at her flabbergasted. Was this really real? Was he actually here with her? Was she actually holding a baby, was she actually pregnant? Was this, all of this, real?

He walked over to her, picked up the diapers she was reaching for and handed it to her. She smiled, and went to place the little human in her arms on the white with pink flowers decorated dresser.

He shook his head.

This wasn't really happening. This was just a dream. He was going to get dressed in one of his three-piece-suits, take his car and drive to the CBI for a good, healthy rest on his brown leather couch, and he would wake up by the feel of Teresa Lisbon's delicate hands pinching his nose – and she wouldn't be pregnant. That was it. That sounded like a great idea.

He ran out of the room, skipping the getting dressed part and running straight to the front door. He stepped onto the porch, looking out for his car, but much to his dismay saw a big family car instead. Dread spread inside his guts, even more than when he'd seen Lisbon next to him in bed, but he took what life gave him at that moment and sprinted over to the car. The keys were already in there – why where they there, that wasn't very responsible – and he drove away at top speed, reaching the HQ within minutes.

He ran through the security who tried to stop him, and ended up on the floor of the SCU.

The team's heads turned around, and Jane froze when he saw only Rigsby and Van Pelt sitting there, looking up at him.

"Oh, hey Patrick," Van Pelt said, cheerily, and Jane ignored the cold shiver that ran up and down his spine at hearing her saying his first name. When she saw his expression, her smile faltered and she got up. "What's wrong? Is something wrong with Lisbon, or the baby? Or the children-"

"Grace, who am I?"

Van Pelt froze in her rambling, blinking at him a few times as she registered what he'd just asked.

"Uh... you're Patrick Jane."

"Yes, I know that."  
"Then why are you asking-"  
"Why was Lisbon in bed with me this morning? And why was she pregnant, and why did I hear children screaming and why was she trying to change a baby's diaper-"  
"Patrick, calm down," Van Pelt said, and moved him towards the corner where his couch was supposed to be. He turned around, and almost gasped when he saw a boring blue couch standing there.

"Where is my couch? What is going on?"

Van Pelt didn't respond, instead made him sit down on the offending piece of furniture and then sat down beside him.

"Patrick, is something wrong with you?"  
He shook his head, hesitantly. "I... I don't think so, no."

She frowned even more, and looked at Rigsby. From Lisbon's office, Jane saw Cho exiting, arms crossed against his chest.

"Patrick," he said, and Jane almost groaned. Why did everybody call him Patrick?

"What is happening? Why is all of this happening? Why is Cho suddenly in Lisbon's office? Where is my couch?"

He had never in his whole life felt as confused as he was now. He usually wouldn't be confused over things because he knew about almost everything. Now that he didn't know about this certain thing, he decided he didn't like the change at all.  
"Patrick," Van Pelt said again, softly. "That's Cho's office."

Then, it suddenly clicked. Jane almost gasped at the realization.

This must be his subconscious messing with him. Rubbing it in his face that he'd waited too long, that Lisbon was gone and that he couldn't move on with her anymore.

Well, what a sick joke.

"Grace, tell me about me and Lisbon."

Van Pelt frowned again.

"Really, you sure you're fine?"

"Me and Lisbon."

"Well... you two are married, for... seven years now. You have five kids, three boys and two daughters."

Five kids. It felt like a fist hitting his face at full force. Five kids, five kids he didn't actually have, but _wanted_ to have.

"Their names?"  
"_Patrick_," Van Pelt breathed, as if it was the biggest sin he'd ever committed, and it did feel like that for him, for a reason he couldn't put into words. She sighed, and averted her eyes. "Perry and Allen, the twin, they're seven. Then there's Veronica, she's six, four-year-old Dale and Emma, she's one. Really, Patrick, what are you doing here?"

"I work here."  
"No you don't," Cho deadpanned.  
"What do you mean, I don't work here?"

Cho looked at Van Pelt, who picked up again. Though Jane was sure none of them understood what was happening here – but he didn't know either.

"CBI regulations said you weren't allowed to marry, so you quit. You wanted to look for a job but when she became pregnant, you decided it wasn't so important. When the twin was born you completely threw finding a job out of the window."

"And... why is Lisbon not a team leader anymore?"  
Van Pelt hesitated. "She, uhm... physically, she couldn't take it anymore, after the first birth. She made too many hours and she almost collapsed when we were chasing someone. Also, her second pregnancy-"  
"She just couldn't take it anymore," Cho interrupted. It seemed as if he didn't like talking about the boss like that, like she was weak, which she wasn't, obviously.

Jane suddenly grew very calm, plastering a matching calm expression on his face. He didn't know where he got it from, but he did feel it.

"Okay. Thank you."

"Hello folks, Cat's in the house," an enthusiastic voice exclaimed, and was soon followed by a just as enthusiastic girl. She smiled brightly, and chewed her chewing gum like there was no tomorrow. She was wearing a short pink dress, and her hair was pulled back into a tight bun. Over her right shoulder was a sports bag.

Her smile faltered a bit when she spotted Jane.

"Oh, uhm... Hi?"

The team exchanged some looks, but Jane stood before they had the chance to explain things.

"Who are you?"

"Cat. Well, Catherine. But most people call me Cat." She walked over to Jane and shook his hand. "And you are...?"

Jane looked at the team who did not seem to be disturbed by the girl's behavior – so they were used to it.

"Patrick Jane."

The girl's eyes widened, and she dropped her bag onto the floor. "You're... Teresa's husband? Like, from the stuff that the guys talk about and all? Like, as in, you're the father of Teresa's children. And you're here? Like, you're really here here?"

"Cat," Van Pelt said, and the girl stopped with rambling. She looked at Jane for a few more moments, before she shrugged, picked up her bag and went to Cho's desk – which was probably hers now.

"Are you... a cop or something?" Jane asked. Cat huffed.  
"Yeah, you can say that. Not a real cop like your wife, no, but I'm becoming one, if that counts."

"Sure."

The two looked at each other for a good minute, before she approached him and grabbed his wrist.

"Can I talk with you for a moment?" she asked, but didn't wait for his answer. Much to his surprise, she pulled him with her to his attic. It looked as it looked like before he'd started to basically live there – which obviously made sense since it seemed he'd never really obsessed up here, considering he was actually married to Lisbon.

She immediately turned around to him and started explaining.

"Okay, you're here for a reason, and you know it too. I know you're not really the Patrick Jane from this world, though you do look just like him. The thing is, they hate you up there. And I know that this sounds so strange, but it's true. You've been turning around her for eight years, _eight years_, can you even believe this? I mean, the longest I've waited before asking a guy out was basically five days! But, sorry, that's not the point at all. What I'm trying to say is that you need to learn your lesson."

"How am I going to learn my lesson from something like this?"

She looked at him with an incredulous look on her face. Then, when she realized he really didn't know what he could learn, she continued with a sigh.

"Well, you get to see what you missed out on. You know, in this world, you never obsessed about Red John anymore. You took everyone's advice into consideration and then began to see Teresa. And then... yeah, well, the rest is history. For me, that is. I mean, I'm not real or anything, but-"

"Cat, focus."

"Right. What I was trying to say is that you are a good person in this world, Patrick. Though it's not a world, more like a glimpse. It's not real, it just feels like it. You can do all the things you want until your time is up."

Jane frowned. "And when's that?"  
"Depends. Though with you and your love for Teresa and children, that's going to be sooner than you think."

"What's that supposed to mean?"  
"Nothing, nothing in particular. I'm just here to make sure you do everything right, that you don't cheat like you always seem to do. Just enjoy being here, Patrick. Can you do that? Just take in all the information you get from everyone and scold yourself afterwards because you were stupid not to see the possibilities. You know, once you get back, you'll come back to a heartbroken Teresa and a team that hates you. Nobody hates you here."

They were quiet for quite a while, and Jane took the opportunity to walk over to the big windows and gaze upon the city. It hadn't changed a thing, everything outside was still as it had been in 'his' world, yet in Jane's life, everything seemed to have changed. And he wasn't sure if he wanted that, if he could stand changes at this moment.

"What about Red John?" Jane asked on a whim, it being the only thing he could think about rationally.

"Red who- Oh, Red John." That didn't sound promising. "You kinda... how do I say this? Abandoned him. I wouldn't know what happened to him, to be honest. He could be dead, but he could also still be out there. And, to be frank, you don't care either. Not in this world. Because you've got a beautiful wife and five beautiful children. You simply stopped caring, because you started to realize that his death would not bring your family back."

Jane swallowed and faced the girl, who was now sitting on what used to be his make-shift bed, but was now a pile of cardboard boxes. She was still chewing her chewing gum, but appeared to have slowed down the speed a tad.

"It's of no use to go and look for him here, Patrick. And anyway, it'll only bring your new family into danger, and you don't want that, do you?"

Jane shook his head without really thinking about it. Was he really already this sure? Was he really going to accept this 'glimpse' as if it was a book gifted to him on his birthday? Who was he to decide over such things-

"If I were you, I'd call Teresa. I don't know that much about _you_, but trust me, if she doesn't hear from you, I do know that you'll be a dead man. Do you... uh, need a ride or something?"  
It took a few moments for Jane to actually catch his tongue again.

"You can actually drive?"

Cat rolled her eyes and jumped off the boxes. "How old am I, ten? Of course I can drive, I'm nineteen."

Jane actually smiled and walked up to the girl. Then, he realized something, and he almost blushed with embarrassment.

She seemed to have read his mind, and it annoyed him up to a point. Which made him wonder how people could put up with _him_ all the time.

"Oh, come on, Patrick. I know you're stressed, I don't care at all that you're still in your PJ's. Now, follow me and I'll bring you back home. Where's your car?"

~OverAgain~

True to her words, Cat actually managed to bring him home safely – with the family car, of course. It didn't mean that it was a nice and relaxing drive but that was something for later care.

He hesitated on the front porch, looking at the big house that he appeared to live in. He briefly wondered whether he picked it, or if Lisbon did. Probably her.

He took in a deep breath and walked up to the door. He didn't have to knock anymore though, it flew open as soon as his hand reached up.

"Oh my god, I hate you sometimes, Patrick Jane! Where the hell have you been? You think this is funny, leaving me alone with five kids? Dammit to hell..." That wasn't the only thing Lisbon exclaimed, but Jane skillfully shut her out. So there was still a thing the same – Lisbon could still be angry as hell.

She angrily pulled him inside and pushed him into the kitchen.

Ten curious eyes peaked up at him, and he almost backed out. Instead, Lisbon pushed him to one of the empty chairs and made him sit down, before sitting down as well. Both of them were sitting at the ends of the table, making the whole picture look like a formal dinner rather than a messy breakfast.

He noticed she was done ranting and was now just looking at him, clearly showing her disappointment.

"Where were you?" she asked, softly, obviously ignoring all the kids that looked from him to her and back again.

"I was at work."

Lisbon sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You don't have a job, Patrick-"

"Your job," he said quickly, and her head shot up.

"Why were you at the CBI?"

"I... I..." Yeah, great one, Patrick Jane, how are you going to explain this without breaking her heart? _Oh, I'm sorry Teresa, but this isn't me. I'm not actually married to you and we don't actually have five children and one on the way. I'm actually a mean, cold, selfish, arrogant SOB that hurts your feelings on a daily basis and that sleeps with women behind your back while it is you that I actually want to make love to. And oh, I merely wanted to drop by at the CBI because that sounded like a good idea in my head._

That was the worst plan he'd ever thought of – and he had thought of a lot of crazy things.

"Just... checking on my old friends."

Lisbon frowned, but then let it go when the baby beside her let out a tiny noise that indicated she was lacking attention.

Now, the attention of the other kids switched back to him.

"Are you alright, Daddy?" one of the older boys asked, and Jane was tempted to say 'no', but instead just nodded.

_Just enjoy being here, Patrick. Just enjoy being here._ Cat's words reverberated in his mind.

Okay, so he was going to do just that.

He straightened his back and plastered on a smile, the smile turning into a real one when he saw all the unhappy faces, including Lisbon's, became happy faces.

He was about to say something when he was attacked by a sea of words, coming from everywhere around the table except from him.

He heard something about ballet class, and about the games that were on tonight, and even Lisbon joined in the sea, but maybe that was just to tease him, if her smile was any indication.

He lifted a hand and everybody went quiet again.

Wow, how did he teach them that? He had to make notes of this.

Six faces were now staring up at him, hopefully, and he swallowed. This felt like standing in front of a crowd, and though he had no trouble with it when the people in the crowd were all adults, he was actually nervous of standing in front of five children – even though one child couldn't possibly voice her thoughts.

He was going to fail now, he didn't know their names or what they liked, he couldn't possibly- Wait a minute, Van Pelt had explained everything to him.

_Perry and Allen, the twin, they're seven. _

He searched for their faces and was done rather quickly when he spotted two identical expressions sitting across from each other. It was remarkable how they looked like Lisbon, and then twice. And he made a mental-note to find a way of keeping them apart, because really, there was nothing more terrible than mistaking twins over and over again.

_Then there's Veronica, she's six..._

At the other side of Lisbon, across from the baby, was a girl sitting. Again, she too was the splitting image of her mother – and that was probably for the best. She was wearing bright pink PJ's with little ballerinas on it, so she had to be the one talking about ballet classes. She had to feel terribly lonely since she was the only girl – or, the only girl that could actually already _act_ like one, since the baby obviously couldn't.

_...four-year-old Dale..._

Next to himself was a boy sitting, and he appeared to be less enthusiastic about all that was happening around him than the rest. He had his hands folded in his lap, and he was shyly looking from his mother to his father, making sure he didn't make eye-contact with anyone in the process. So he was a shy boy. Jane had to do something about that.

_...and Emma, she's one._

Well, that one was the obvious one – the one that was not paying attention to her parents but instead chuckled and giggled as Lisbon pretended her food was an airplane.

He froze as he realized what he'd thought about most of the kids; he was making promises already about how to behave like a proper daddy, while he wasn't.

He lowered his hand, and within seconds, the sea starting roaring again, only now, Lisbon was quiet and looking at him.

He could see that she could see that something was wrong with him – she'd always been much more observant than him concerning feelings and now wasn't an exception, apparently.

He swallowed, and she did too.

_I'm okay, don't worry_, he mouthed, and she seemed to doubt the words a few seconds, before she just smiled a faint smile and focused back on Emma again.

So maybe he really _was_ okay. Okay with all of this. It wasn't like he'd never imagined himself to have a family with her one day – in fact, he'd thought about that right before he went to sleep and ended up here when he awoke.

So he would listen to somebody for once and enjoy his time in this 'glimpse', before it was over.

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**A/N: So, what do you think? Let me know please!**


	2. Chapter Two

**A/N: I loved almost all of your reviews, except for two. Both anonymous, obviously, so I couldn't discuss these people's points, but still. One person talked about me usually not finishing stories or anything. Come on. Up until now, there is just one story that I'm probably not going to finish at all, and that's 'Red Snow'. And I said from the beginning that I maybe wasn't going to continue it. I've written 79 stories, a lot of them one-shots, but still. There are no stories that I haven't finished, I'll always finish stories because I don't like it either when somebody starts a story and then doesn't complete it. So to say that I have a reputation of not finishing stories is completely stupid and rude.**

**This being said: thanks to all the people that liked the beginning of this! I've finished three chapters now, so I kinda know where it is going but still not really, actually. Oh well, we'll just wait and see ^^**

**And I already changed the rating to T. Just so you're warned!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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**_'Over again'_**

**_Chapter Two_**

Jane watched as Lisbon enthusiastically talked with the kids, not leaving out anyone as she did so. She even included Dale, despite him not actively participating like the rest.

As soon as the last person, which was one of the twin in this case, had finished his breakfast, all went other ways until Jane, Lisbon and Emma were left at the table.

She got up and placed a kiss on top of the baby girl's head, before she went to take the used plates off the table.

Without hesitation, he jumped up and pushed her away from the table.

"You don't get to do anything, Teresa," he whispered, and she paused in her motions to look up at him. He noticed in that moment that she wasn't wearing any make-up and she hadn't done her hair either – and she had never looked more beautiful.

He suppressed taking in a shuddering breath at the sudden feelings he was feeling, and smiled at her. She mimicked his expression, then walked back to the table to get Emma. She turned back around to him.

"I don't know what you were doing this morning, but I'll just forget it. I'm stressed too sometimes, with the kids and all. Just... don't do that again, okay? I was worried sick about you."

She'd said these words before, only the situation had been different – he'd broken her heart in that moment, in that church.

He nodded. She sighed.

"Virgil will be here at eight. I assume the kids will prepare themselves but I'm going to check on them anyway. I called Cho, I'll be later. You'll have Em and Dale today, but I don't think you got a problem with that."

Jane was just taking in everything she was saying before she disappeared, leaving no room to ask questions.

There still wasn't anything wrong with his memory palace, but he found looking at Lisbon holding a baby while she was pregnant much more interesting. He had never in his life thought that he would ever see that sight, but he had now. That was a picture to save and frame as soon as he got back to normal.

Dread filled his senses at that thought, though he didn't know why. Okay, he did know why. He was already loving this new world, this glimpse, with a Lisbon he had never seen before, with a Lisbon that loved him. That had been everything he had wanted at the end of the day – she loving him back.

And this distraction caused him to forget all the crucial things she'd told him.

He felt a hand on his left leg, and he turned around, only to look down when he saw the person that had asked for his attention wasn't on his eye-level.

Dale was standing right in front of him now, his thumb in his mouth and his eyes wide.

"Dfaddfy?" the little boy asked, the word a little muffled considering his thumb was still stuck in his mouth, and Jane lowered himself to be on Dale's eye-level.

"Yes, buddy?"

The boy startled a bit, and Jane realized that he probably never called Dale that. But it was never too late for a change, though he didn't know what he did usually call Dale.

Yet, as Jane studied his expression, he found the little man didn't mind at all.

Dale shook his head, and took his thumb out of his mouth. "Never mind." He put the thumb back and skipped away.

Jane was left a little light-headed, and he still couldn't explain why he was feeling like that.

~OverAgain~

Minelli had been only barely in time, so there was no time left to talk with him. Which, in Jane's opinion, was a real shame. There had to be a reason that he and Lisbon trusted the man enough to bring the kids to school – that was something he had found out later on, when he remembered the kids' ages and the day of the week. Of course, he had liked Minelli but if he really trusted him with his children's lives? He wasn't all that sure.

But then again, Lisbon pretty much adored Minelli so Jane saw no harm in the carpooling – for now.

Lisbon had told him to get some rest, with Dale if necessary, but she didn't want to have a repeat of that morning. And to be honest, he didn't either. He had scared the death out of her, and he didn't like to do that, even though he was a first class jerk.

So now, Jane was laying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

It had been great to take care of Emma. It had been a long time since he'd actually changed diapers, but it surprised him that he still knew how to do it. He hadn't expected that.

He had gotten a few flashbacks to how it had been like with Charlotte, but for the first time, he hadn't felt guilty. Just... really sad, that he couldn't do that anymore with her. And not only because she had passed away, but because she simply grew too old to change diapers.

He had put Dale to bed. Lisbon hadn't ordered him to do that, but the boy had sat on the couch watching TV while his eyes fell closed the entire time – only to be opened by him in an instant. Jane knew that excessive sleeping during the day wasn't good for children – except for babies – and they shouldn't get used to it, but one day couldn't hurt, right? And if the speed at which Dale had fallen asleep in his Peter Pan bed could be any indication, the poor fellow was exhausted. Something must have happened during the night that had caused him to be so tired, but Jane couldn't figure that one out yet. He had to, though.

He sighed and got up. He was getting tired of laying on the couch the entire time – which was a big surprise for him.

Now, it was like it was in 'his' world: Jane doing nothing important and Lisbon doing all the actual work and working her butt off. It wasn't fair.

He looked at the staircase for a few moments, before taking out his phone out of his pocket and pressing one on speed dial. Of course her number was there.

She answered after the third ring, actually sounding astonished when she stated her name.

"Patrick, why are you calling me?"

She was shocked when he called her, so he figured he didn't usually call her.

"Nothing special. Can't I just call in on my beautiful wife without a reason?"

Oh god, this felt so good to say. To actually say everything that had been on his mind for so long without her flinching away or doubting him.

"Patrick..."

"Teresa..."

He could practically _hear_ her rolling her eyes at the other end of the conversation.

"How are Em and Dale doing?" she asked after a short silence.

"Fine. They're both asleep."

"_Dale's_ _asleep_?" she repeated, incredulously. "Why would you put him to bed?"

"He was tired. I can't look at him while he's frantically rubbing his eyes and yawning. Don't tell me you can."

She sighed. "No, I can't. Don't let him sleep the entire day, he won't sleep through the night otherwise."

"Aye Cap'n."

"Take care, Patrick. Oh, and don't forget, you have to pick up the kids from school this afternoon. Virgil can't come. And you can't leave Dale and Em alone like you did last time, so take them with you."

"Sure. Bye Teresa, love you."

What stupid habit was it to let her go without asking to clarify things? He didn't know where the school was, dammit.

He couldn't wake Dale to ask the address, he would blow his whole cover and he didn't want that to happen. What if everybody knowing he wasn't actually who they thought he was, was the trigger to bring him back to 'his' world? He would lose this.

He didn't put his phone back in his pocket, but instead went to look at the numbers that were in his phone.

Catherine Malloy, Grace van Pelt, Kimball Cho, Teresa, Virgil Minelli, Wayne Rigsby-

Wait, Cat?

He immediately pressed 'call' and it didn't take long before she answered.

"Hi, Cat."

"Patrick, what the hell-"

"Listen, I need your help. Are you in the office now?"

"Of course I am, I'm an intern here, I wouldn't make a good impression if I didn't show up-"

"Do you know the children's school's address?"

She was quiet for a long time, either hesitating in telling him or pondering his question, before he heard small chuckles.

Was she laughing at him?  
"Oh Patrick," she said, then stopped laughing. "Sorry, that was funny. Anyway, yes, I know the address. In fact, I even know that Teresa left her planner at home so there should be a card in there with the phone numbers and stuff."

"Do you know where that is?"

"Look, I'm not your personal slave, okay?" she stated, a little lower, probably so that the team couldn't hear her. "I know it's hard at the moment but you have to get used to this. You can't come to me every time you're having troubles." She sighed. "It's on the counter, Patrick. Don't forget to take Emma and Dale with you, Teresa is still angry because of the last time you had to pick up the trio."

Now he was curious what he'd done wrong the last time.

"What did I do?"

Again, he heard a few soft chuckles, but they disappeared as sudden as they'd appeared. "I'm not going to tell, or you might repeat-"

"Cat, tell me, please."

"Well fine. You went to pick up the trio but left Dale and Emma at home, with the assumption that 'they would manage', but when you returned, Dale had somehow managed to get Emma out of her bassinet and was wandering through the street because he was afraid you had left him alone. You didn't see the problem, because obviously, the kids were still okay, but Teresa was angry as hell. But, anyway, don't make the same mistakes this time."

"I'll try."

"Well bye, good luck." She hung up, and Jane couldn't help but smile a bit.

So Lisbon still wasn't that charmed by his actions – at least that was something he was used to.

He looked at the clock, and saw he had about three hours left before he would have to pick up the kids. That left plenty enough time to make up for what he'd done that morning.

After over an hour of preparing stuff, he noticed sounds coming from the hall, and didn't bother turning around to see who was there.

"Hello buddy, you want to help me making something delicious for Mommy?" he asked, not taking his eyes off of the task at hand, and it took a while before he heard sounds again.

Dale had taken the little kitchen stair that Jane had already seen, and had put it beside Jane. He climbed on it and was now just tall enough to look at what Jane was making.

"What are you making, Daddy?" he asked. Jane put down what he was holding and wiped his hands clean on the apron he had put on. He focused on the little man next to him and smiled.

"Well, I was trying to make it up to Mommy because I scared her so much, so I made something really tasty for her."

"What's this?"

"Chocolate covered strawberries," Jane said, and smiled when he saw the boy's eyes lit up.

"I didn't know you could make them," Dale said, and Jane chuckled.

"Me neither, buddy. But that's what internet is for. Want to taste one?"

Of course, he didn't have to ask as Dale's eyes widened even more at the suggestion. He nodded frantically and closed his eyes and opened his mouth.

Jane picked up a finished strawberry, took a bite of it himself and gave Dale the rest – the strawberry was too big for the boy's little mouth.

Dale forgot his shyness for a few moments and just stamped on the stairs, almost shaking with excitement.  
"Yummy!" he exclaimed, and Jane chuckled.

"You think? Do you think Mommy will like it?"

"She has to. If she doesn't like it, I will eat it for her."

"Of course you will. Shall we put the rest in the fridge so the rest can have one too?"

"Oh, I don't think that Perry and Allen will like it. They don't like chocolate."

Interesting. How was that possible if both Jane and Lisbon loved chocolate? Jane just grinned mischievously at the thought, though he knew that it was probably just a coincidence – even if he didn't believe in them.

Just as he and Dale put the strawberries in the fridge, they heard Emma crying from the nursery. Dale already took off and ran towards the room – it was unbelievable how only one moment made him completely relaxed and shy-free. For now, probably, because Jane had the lingering feeling that if the trio would come back, Dale would go back to his old shy self.

It seemed Dale had already succeeded in calming down the crying baby a bit, since she was only sobbing a bit when Jane entered the nursery.

"You did that really well, Dale. How did you learn to do that?"

Dale shrugged.  
"I don't know."

Jane shook his head and went to get Emma out of the bassinet. She didn't stop crying so Jane assumed she was hungry. He just hoped she was already drinking from the bottle, or otherwise he would have a big problem. But then again, if Lisbon had suspected that the little girl wouldn't drink out of a bottle, she probably wouldn't have left her with Jane.

"Hey buddy, why don't you go sit down on the couch? I'll give you Emma and then you can feed her."

Dale's smile literally beamed, and Jane couldn't help but spot the resemblance of his own 1000-watt smile. Which, consequently, made him feel a warm feeling in his chest.

The little boy ran away, and as Jane walked into the living room, he already saw him sitting on the couch, his little hands drumming on his lap enthusiastically.

Jane smiled and put Emma in Dale's lap, both children smiling and chuckling as if they had a silent language that Jane didn't know about.

He exited the living room and walked into the kitchen. He quickly put his weight against the wall and took in a deep breath.

So accepting that this was what his life would've been if he hadn't been so completely stupid was maybe more difficult than he'd thought.

~OverAgain~

The rest of the day went by pretty quickly. He had looked for a fridge in the garage and smiled when he found one. He'd put the strawberries into that fridge – he couldn't spoil the fun just yet, and anyway, he was going to start tomorrow a lot better. Or so was his intention.

He succeeded in finding the kids' school and actually be on time, and he had helped Lisbon with preparing dinner while also keeping an eye on the children.

He seemed to enjoy his time, though at some moments, he really wished he wasn't here. It hurt too much to think of the possibilities he would have had.

For instance, his heart had clenched when the kids had played hide and seek while waiting for dinner to be served. Veronica had had to look for all the others, and when she'd found everybody, including Emma who was put in a lower cupboard by one of the twin, she'd ran over to Lisbon and planted a sweet kiss on her belly.

"It's time to come out, baby, I found you," she had whispered, and Lisbon had smiled softly in response.

These were the things he didn't have in his world. No, there, Lisbon kept walking around with that extreme burden, that immense pain and hurt that wouldn't go away. He had tried so hard, many times had he stood in her office with bear claws from Maries, only to be dismissed by her with a small wave of her hand. Of course, he hadn't wanted to be too insistent about it, it would only make matters worse, but it did hurt and he knew it was his own fault.

He had to print this image into his mind, of Lisbon cooking with her rounded belly and all the kids occasionally kissing her belly. It warmed his heart to see all of this, but it hurt at the same time.

Everything was a conflicting mess and he didn't know how to handle it.

What he hadn't expected though, was that the entire day had been nothing compared to what was awaiting him – sleeping in the same bed as Lisbon.

That morning had been easy, it were only a few seconds, maybe a minute, that was all.

Now, he was supposed to sleep next to her for an entire night.

And the moment he had realized that that was actually the toughest moment of all moments was when he was laying in bed, waiting for whatever was awaiting him. He could've handled everything, except for what really happened: Lisbon almost ran inside, carefully closed the door behind her and then fell down beside him, already pulling him closer.

"The kids are asleep," she whispered, and she linked their lips.

Again, just like that morning, Jane first froze before melting into the kiss. Her hands made quick work of her blouse, pulling her lips away from his for a few moments to get rid of the offending garment. He didn't know what was happening to him – okay, maybe he did but he couldn't _believe_ it was happening _right now_. He had fantasized about this moment for so long that it felt so surreal to experience it outside his dreams.

Just when she pulled her body to his and laid down, consequently making him lay on top of her, he realized the true extent of what was happening, and he pulled away, putting more distance between them.

She had tolerated enough strange behavior of him that day, that much was evident as she groaned and got out of bed to angrily change into her nightgown. She laid down beside him without a single word, and Jane felt himself falling back into his natural situation, with Lisbon ignoring him.

"Teresa," he whispered, but she didn't reply. "I'm sorry, Teresa. I just had a tough day-"

"Oh, and I didn't?" she spat, turning around so she was laying on her back. She looked at him and he expected her eyes to shoot fire any moment – well, he hadn't seen this one coming. "Patrick, dammit, I'm the one earning all damn the money. I'm freaking five months pregnant and nothing goes as it did _before_ all of this. I accept it, because I love you and I would want nothing else than do this with you, to be with you. But the one moment where I can just be a woman instead of a cop or a mother, you act weird like you did all freaking day. I don't know what's wrong with you, really. Don't think it's funny to mess with me like this, Jane-"

"Teresa," Jane interrupted, and that was probably the wrong move. She pinched his arm and laid on her side again, her back into his direction.

He sighed. So much for starting tomorrow better.

He looked at her back for a few minutes, observing as her body slowly became peaceful. She probably wasn't asleep yet, but he knew that she didn't consider going to sleep while angry a good stimulant for happy dreams.

"Teresa, I'm sorry," he whispered, and she let out a sigh.

"I need you, Patrick, and you know that. You know I can't do this all on my own, we discussed this years ago."

They did?

"I know. I'm sorry," he replied. Then, finding nothing else to say, he did what his heart told him to do for the very first time – he bowed down and placed a gentle kiss on the space between her shoulder and neck. She shuddered, and he knew they'd made a truce – though he didn't know how he knew.

He rolled onto his back but didn't take his eyes off of her.

Just when he was about to fall asleep, a thought hit him and caused him to lay awake for most of the night: he'd had to have made love to Lisbon at least six times in this world, considering her six pregnancies.

And that was a thought he simply couldn't forget.

* * *

**A/N: Just for future reference: no, I'm not going to move this story to Smutville. First off, it's a T story so that would be stupid, second, I'm a terrible smut writer. I'd rather leave that up to the people that can actually do it.**

**Anyway, thanks for reading so far and let me know if I'm doing alright! **


	3. Chapter Three

**A/N: Okay, so somewhere between writing a learning report and making an improvement plan, I managed to get this chapter done. Yes, way too late, it's been like two weeks or something? But I'm just so busy and I was really insecure about this chapter - yes, I'm admitting it. I was ****_insecure _****about this chapter. About this whole story, to be honest, but especially about this chapter. Well, next chapter more, actually. So it can be that the next chapter will take a long time again to be updated again (this applies to The Great Mr Jane as well, oh god, I'm such a terrible writer), but you're warned this time.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

* * *

**_'Over again'_**

**_Chapter Three_**

Jane found that asleep Lisbon was cuddly. When he awoke in the middle of the night for his sudden need to pee, she was wrapped all around him.

Okay, so peeing suddenly wasn't important anymore, not now that she was so close.

He already understood now how incredibly stupid he'd been.

The first moment he'd walked into the bullpen to meet her, he'd already seen her beauty. It was something he couldn't ignore – she was absolutely gorgeous.

But his need to find revenge on his wife and daughter had been more insistent. It had been the sole reason that he had joined the CBI and he couldn't let go of that, afraid that he wouldn't survive it. That he would break down and end it. Hunting down Red John was what had kept him alive, kind of anyway.

But it seemed in this world that his Lisbon had shown to him that living in the past wasn't what would actually keep him alive. And that was something his Lisbon in his world hadn't done. There, she'd accepted his need for revenge and hadn't doubted it for one second.

The question was, which Lisbon did he prefer?

In his world, he didn't have her in his bed, wrapped around him, peacefully asleep.

Wasn't that what he wanted? Wasn't it that kind of thought that had kept him sane during his six months of absence? That one day, he would be back with her and would be able to admire her from a distance?

He suppressed groaning. That wasn't what she deserved. She deserved to be admired from up close, not from far away.

That had become painfully obvious when several men had showed up and had proved that there was a way she could be admired. Take Mancini. He had asked her out, and even though she'd agreed to it, Jane didn't suspect they had done anything other than engaging in a friendly poker game with Bertram and all the higher-ups from the FBI. But Mancini had certainly been a competitor.

And then Kirkland. It had hurt that she had been able to work with somebody other than him, and when he'd driven the car against the tree in the hopes to see solely Lisbon, he hadn't anticipated that he would see Kirkland as well. Especially not since Kirkland was high on his list of possible Red John suspects.

He needed to stop thinking about that. Lisbon was right. There were too many people he had shaken hands with, there was no way in hell he was going to remember _everybody_. It was just one of those leads that seemed useful in the beginning, but turned out to be completely stupid.

He took in a deep breath and wrapped his arm around her sleeping frame, rubbing gently. Was Red John really more important than this? Was he really worth it? Was Jane willing to push her away so that he could catch his nemesis?

He had been sure about that fact in the beginning, but not anymore. Not now that Lisbon had slowly crept her way into his heart. She was buried deep down now. He was so used to seeing her, working with her, having her next t him that he didn't know if he could live without her anymore.

So that was it then. He had lost his fight, just like that. He hadn't planned to, but he had. He had fallen hopelessly, desperately, head over heels in love with Teresa Lisbon. And there was nothing he could do about it anymore.

He placed a kiss on the top of her head and then gently disentangled her from him, before quickly going to the bathroom. He couldn't wait to be back in bed with her again.

~OverAgain~

He was glad it was a Saturday and Lisbon was free of work.

She was as stubborn as she'd always been. She woke up at around eight, only to get up immediately to go look at the kids.

He was quick enough to stop her.

"Don't, Teresa. Go rest a bit, it's not healthy to do so much. Think of our little baby in your tummy."

She didn't protest, just placed a kiss on his lips before he went to check on the kids. He wasn't surprised to already find the twin and Veronica in the living room in front of the TV.

"Morning Daddy," Veronica said, and smiled at him. He returned the smile. The boys were too caught up in the TV to say anything to him.

Time to get to know these wonders.

"What are you watching?" Jane asked, sitting down on the edge of the couch next to Veronica. She looked at him with a face that made Jane chuckle – as if it had been obvious what she watching, like she was watching the same program every morning.

"SpongeBob SquarePants of course. Daddy, are you alright?"

He just smiled and nodded.

She focused back on the TV and he watched as she was absorbed in attention. She chuckled when Patrick was doing something stupid with SpongeBob, and Jane's heart warmed.

"Daddy, your name is Patrick too, right?" one of the boys asked, and Jane smiled and nodded. "So then you're stupid too?"

"Depends on what you consider stupid."

The two boys now looked at him with frowns on, before deciding it wasn't worth it to talk to their father and instead focused back on the TV again.

He could see that one boy had freckles, while the other hadn't, or at least, not in the amount as the other. Yet the boy with the freckles didn't have the dimples in his cheeks when he smiled and the other had. So that was a way to keep the two apart.

This conversation wasn't going to work out though, they were too caught up in the TV to start a conversation with him. A quick look at the table told him they hadn't had breakfast yet so he stood and walked into the kitchen. Deciding he had to put names to the boys, he quickly came up with a plan.

"Perry, can you come help me?" he half-asked, half-exclaimed, and within seconds, the boy with the cute little freckles ran into the room. So the one with the freckles was Perry and the one with the smile-dimples was Allen. This wasn't so hard.

"Yes, Daddy?"

Oh, for the love of God, these children were just like robots. They stopped talking when he wanted, they come to him when he wanted. He had to get that out of their system. They should have the chance to rebel against their parents if they wanted to.

"Mommy is still in bed, and I don't want her to get out so I was thinking, what if we put a few things on a tray and bring it to her? Breakfast on bed, how does that sound?"

Perry smiled, and nodded. He ran around the kitchen table and climbed on the counter. He got out a silver tray and carefully placed it next to his feet, before he jumped off.

"Did Mommy agree to that way of getting things?" Jane asked. Perry chuckled.

"No, Mommy was almost crying out of fear when I did that. _You_ agreed."

He did? Okay, interesting.

As he went to warm six eggs and Perry went to set the table, he heard careful feet in the doorway.

He turned around and saw Dale pondering whether he should help his father or his mother. Jane approached him.

"Morning Buddy."

Dale smiled, his thumb still in his mouth. His hair was majorly disheveled which looked absolutely adorable on him.

Jane ran a quick hand through the boy's hair to tame his curls and then ushered him out of the kitchen.

"Why don't you go help Mommy with Emma? You did a great job yesterday, I'm sure Mommy wants to see as well."

The boy nodded.

"Oh, and tell Mommy she isn't allowed to come downstairs. Perry and I are going to give her breakfast in bed."

Dale smiled, nodded again and ran upstairs.

"I'm not going to ask what you did yesterday," Perry said, and Jane chuckled.

"There's no need. Dale just helped me out a bit."

Perry nodded and put down a plastic plate on the table. Then, he paused.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Perry?"

"Are you alright?"

Did he really look that weird? He considered himself not acting any different, but then again, he didn't know how to behave properly so he just tried his best.

Yet for the first time, he didn't bother putting on a mask.

"Not really."

"Why not?"

How was he going to explain this to a seven-year-old?  
"I'm... not really feeling myself. But I'm sure that will go away-"

"Are you really my Daddy?"

Jane frowned, but then it faded as he realized what the boy was actually saying.

"No, I don't think so. But I _do want_ to be your father, Perry."

The boy didn't seem surprised, just nodded. "Do you love me?"

"Of course I do."

Perry looked at him for a bit longer, then nodded again. "Today is Saturday. Mommy usually is out of bed now, but you won't let her. That's okay. Grandpa Virgil comes for coffee at half past ten."

Jane nodded, taking in the information given.

"Oh, and Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"I don't mind it, that you're an alien. You're a nice alien. And you're sweeter for Mommy."

With that, he continued putting things on the kitchen table and left Jane to look at him in wonder.

Was this what the kids thought of him?

~OverAgain~

Ten minutes later, Perry and Jane had finished putting everything in place and the little boy had picked up the tray with Lisbon's breakfast.

"Be really quiet, okay, Perry? It has to be a secret."

The boy let out a strange sound, which, after Jane had cast a quick glance at him, was probably the result of having to contain excitement.

When they opened the door of the master bedroom, they found Lisbon was sitting on the bed, her legs in the shape of an oval, and Emma in between her legs, laying on her back. Dale was sitting next to Lisbon, concentrated, looking at what his mother was doing with his youngest sibling.

"Surprise," Jane whispered, and Lisbon's head shot up. Perry was stood in front of Jane, and was therefore the first thing she could see. She smiled brightly.

"We didn't want you to do so much so we are forcing you to stay in bed," Jane said, and she couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"Oh, are you?"

Jane nodded exaggeratingly, and Dale and Perry chuckled.

She motioned for Perry to come to the bed and he placed the tray on the bed. Jane came closer and picked up Emma, who was silently crying. He sniffed her diaper and Lisbon chuckled.

"I was about to fix that when you came in. You had it coming. I mean, I'm not used to you surprising me like that."

He rolled his eyes and made sure the two boys didn't destroy anything, before he walked into nursery to change Emma's diaper.

"You don't even eat that much, Emma. Even Mommy eats more than you. Then how in hell do you keep filling this?"

The girl chuckled and put her fingers in her mouth.

A few minutes later, he walked back into the bedroom and found Lisbon enthusiastically talking with Dale and Perry while stuffing herself with the French Toast Jane had made.

She smiled at him when she spotted him. She swallowed down the toast and started talking.

"I now know why I married you. I love this."

Jane chuckled, came to stand beside her side of the bed. He wanted to put down Emma on the bed but Dale shook his head. He clapped in his hands and Jane shook his head, smiling. He put Emma in front of Dale and the two started chuckling. The little boy carefully pulled her in and rested her against his chest.

Lisbon and Jane's eyes crossed, and he saw in her eyes that she had a likewise feeling – their hearts warmed.

He sighed, and casually sat down on the edge, before quickly reaching out and stealing Lisbon's toast. The boys chuckled but Lisbon groaned and worked to jump up. Her belly prevented her from doing that.

"Dammit, jerk, that's mine-"

"Language, please." He whistled. He moved the toast to his mouth but his arm got stopped by some alien force – or no, maybe not alien, since he recognized that chuckle.

"That's Mommy's!" Veronica exclaimed, jumped on the bed so she could look him straight into his eyes and shot him a dirty look, before falling down beside Lisbon and handing her the toast. Lisbon blew a raspberry into his direction and he rolled his eyes.

"Thank you, Ronnie. At least I can count on you."

Veronica smiled proudly, and cuddled against her mother's side.

The only person missing in this picture was-

"Hey, why don't we get French Toast?" Allen exclaimed from the doorway, and now, all of them rolled their eyes.

When the boy was about to run over to the bed, but he was stopped by Jane who picked him up and threw him onto the bed. His eyes were widened for a few seconds before Jane took the opportunity to tickle his tummy.

"Oh no, Daddy don't!"

The rest started laughing and even Lisbon couldn't stop her amusement from showing.

It didn't take long until Allen was gasping for air, tears streaming down his face, pleading Jane to stop.

He gave in with an exaggerated sigh, and climbed onto the bed. He put the tray aside and crashed down beside Lisbon, almost landing on the boy that was located there.

Perry let out a high shriek. "Daddy!"

Jane chuckled, and turned around slightly to look at him.

"Shush, I'm having a moment with Mommy-"

"Allen, why don't you, Perry and Veronica go downstairs so that you can set the table?"

All children except for Emma smiled brightly, and Lisbon frowned.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Daddy and Perry already did that," Veronica smiled, then buried her head into Lisbon's shoulder.

Jane didn't know if Lisbon was surprised or annoyed by this. Apparently, it was too much goodness, but she just rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," she murmured, and carefully pushed Veronica away from her.

"No, na-ah. Take your time, Teresa. We'll go downstairs. Don't rush it-"

"Patrick, I'm pregnant, not incompetent."

"I wasn't saying you were. But it's Saturday and you've been working your butt off the entire week, for us, so now we want to do something in return."

She smiled. "Oh, aren't you just the sweetest husband in the world?"

"You bet I am."

"Don't let it get to your head, though, Tiger. We still have to be ready for Virgil."

"Vir- Oh," Jane said, and when all of them went to check the time, they were off the bed in no time.

"Okay, we have ten minutes, it should be reasonable," Lisbon said, mainly to Jane because the trio was already gone. Jane carefully picked up Emma and now, Dale ran away as well.

"For future reference, I won't allow you to be all fluffy and sweet if that results in us having to hurry again."

"Oh, come on, Teresa. Don't tell me you didn't like it."

She smiled again, and nodded, before she groaned and reached out both her hands. He chuckled, and while balancing Emma on one hip, he pulled Lisbon off the bed.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" Jane asked, and she nodded.

When he turned around and walked out of the bedroom, he was feeling lightheaded with what eerily felt like love.

~OverAgain~

They finished breakfast at a quarter past ten. The kids had finished their breakfast so fast they were bound to have a stomachache later that day, but they didn't care. They had immediately flew upstairs, and Jane's heart had warmed when he'd seen Veronica had grabbed Dale's hand and had offered him to help him pick out his clothes.

For the first time since he'd been in this glimpse, one of the twin had actually looked at him. Yes, Perry had already looked at him a few times when they were preparing breakfast, but now, he did it in front of everybody. Perry was smiling sweetly at him before he ran upstairs, as if telling him 'you're doing fine, don't worry'. Jane was really touched the boy was that worried about him, but he supposed they both knew that it wasn't really necessary.

After the breakfast, Jane had gotten Emma and had put her in the playpen in a corner of the living room.

This left him and Lisbon free of any duties for a few moments.

She smiled at him and then went to clean the table, but he stopped her and pulled her in for a hug. She startled a bit, before she gave in and wrapped her arms around his waist, placing her head against his chest. This was probably a position they had learned from having five pregnant bellies – this way, she didn't have to stretch out her arms a lot and her belly fit perfectly between them.

"You're a perfect Mom, Teresa," he whispered, and he felt her smiling.

"You're not such a bad Dad either," she replied. He pulled away and placed a kiss on her forehead – he didn't trust himself with kisses on the lips yet, even though they had shared a few already. _She_ had been the one starting them and he couldn't deny her anything, but he wasn't so sure about these kind of kisses, for now. He really hoped that would change.

"Hey," he said softly, and put his fingers under her chin to make her look up. "I know I behaved strangely yesterday, so I wanted to make it up to you. Stay here."

Before she could protest, he ran off to the spare fridge in the garage and got out the strawberries.

Her eyes widened when he showed them to her.

"Oh my... Patrick, where did you get these?"

"One of our perfect children helped making it. We did it yesterday, while you were at work."

"Dale helped you?" she asked, as if she couldn't believe the boy was capable of such things, and she studied the strawberries. "They look really good."

Jane smiled, and picked up one out of the box. He quickly put it against her lips and she opened them almost involuntarily, as if her head was telling her no but her heart was exclaiming yes.

He watched with glee her reaction when she chewed on the fruit – she closed her eyes in bliss and she made a tiny moaning sound. He didn't feel his heart clench, but instead felt an emotion he had felt for so long now when in her presence – it was love.

His hand shot up and brushed a strand of hair out of her face, and she smiled, her eyes still closed. She swallowed the strawberry, making sure all the remnants were gone and then opened her eyes.

"They're not too bad," she said eventually, and Jane rolled his eyes.  
"You're just afraid to tell me they're delicious because that means I won."

"I didn't say this was a competition, Patrick. I never said that. It's just the truth. You said it yourself-"

"I get it, Teresa." They were silent for a few seconds, before he pushed the box into her hands. "Take it, it's yours. Just make sure the kids don't see it, or else you'll lose all of them – and the strawberries too."

Lisbon chuckled, but nodded and went to store the candy in the fridge in the kitchen before she turned to him with narrowed eyes.

"Where did you put these? I didn't see them in the fridge."

"In the fridge in the garage."

"That one's working?"

"Sure it is. Poor fridge, you just gave up on it so fast-"

"Oh hush you. Be happy it's just the fridge and not you."

"Now I'm hurt, Teresa. I really am."

"Whatever. Just go to the kids. Veronica wants to put on that new dress you bought her last week, I don't think she's able to put it on herself."

He nodded, and before she escaped the kitchen, Jane's heart screamed at him. He had her pushed against the kitchen wall within seconds.

He didn't know what he was doing, but he couldn't stop himself from bowing down and kissing her.

She sighed against his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer until there was no whiff of air between them.

His heart jumped to the moon and back. He didn't know why this kiss was any different than the others they'd had, but it was different. Maybe it was because he fully awake and freed of all tension and shock for now – he was fully aware of what he was doing and that was probably why this kiss was so special, and absolutely perfect.

They only broke apart when Lisbon pulled away to take in a deep breath. She smiled, but her smile wasn't innocent or sweet, it was something so much more that his breath caught in his throat.

He could get used to this.

~OverAgain~

"So, Patrick, everything fine?" Minelli asked after he had made himself comfortable on the couch.

It turned out that the kids really didn't dress up for Grandpa Virgil. Veronica had done it so she could wear her pretty new dresses, Perry and Allen had done it so they weren't wearing the same, identical clothes for once, which seemed to have been Lisbon's idea since Jane had wanted the two to wear identical clothes most of the time. He scolded himself for having had that idea.

There really was no use in dressing up Emma for this occasion, for it was already napping time for her by the time Minelli had arrived – an hour too late, classic.

Dale had been the only one actually dressing up for Grandpa. The trio disappeared, either upstairs or outside to play with the kids in the neighborhood, but Dale had stayed in the living room, bravely trying to participate in the adult conversation. Lisbon had actually become slightly angry when the boy didn't want to listen and didn't want to join his siblings. Jane had led the boy to the kitchen and had given him some paper and crayons and Dale had enthusiastically started drawing something for Grandpa.

It wasn't like Lisbon didn't want Dale to be there but Jane had to admit, the little man been pretty annoying, hanging around his mother and interrupting conversation every minute.

"Oh, I'm fine, thank you."

"I was just wondering, I didn't get the chance to speak to you yesterday."

Jane nodded, slightly amused at how this Minelli was worried about his wellbeing. His Minelli didn't care a flying one about him.

"I was tired."

"I figured. Really nice of you to dump the kids with Teresa."

Okay, so maybe this Minelli did look like his Minelli after all.

"I trust you, Patrick. Look, I'm not here to judge you or anything, but you could've told Teresa where you was going. She must have been worried sick about you-"

"Virgil, it's okay," Lisbon tried to interrupt, but Minelli didn't want to have any of it.

"No, Teresa, it's not. He just ran away like that, without a word. He knows you can't handle everything anymore due to your pregnancy. I mean, you can't even pick up diapers from the bottom drawer of the dresser anymore without faling. No offense though, but really. I knew Patrick was no good-"

"He's changed, Virgil. He's a good man now."

"I know you love him, Teresa, but-"

"No buts. If you know I love him, then you know there's no way I will leave him. He's a part of me like you are. And he came back after not even half an hour. It's not like he went away for six months or anything. I would be angry and sad if he did that, but I know he won't."

There was the moment that Jane had been waiting for. He hadn't wanted her to say it, but she had and it was only more evidence that she didn't want him to leave her. And still that was exactly what he'd done.

He took in a sharp breath, causing both to look at him.

"I'm sorry. I'll be back in a few," he said, and all but ran out of the living room, slowing down and plastering a smile on when he passed the children's bedrooms, but he dropped the act when he closed the door of the master bedroom behind him.

"Dammit," he pressed out, and pushed his back to the wall, sliding down to sit on the floor.

He loved her, that much he knew by now. He was in love with her, that wasn't so difficult to spot either.

But he couldn't fake like everything was hearts and flowers while he had so much guilt inside that he felt like he was about to explode any given moment.

The problem was that this Lisbon didn't know anything about the pain he'd caused her. She was so innocent here, she didn't know anything about the bad things he could do. Of course, in the first year of their partnership, he'd done some pretty bad stuff too but nothing tipped what he'd done the last year in his world. He had hurt her, so badly... he couldn't repair it anymore.

He lifted his head and immediately spotted a few photo albums, piled up underneath the bed. He didn't hesitate a moment and grabbed them, opening the first one he could find – it turned out to be photo's of straight after Emma's birth. There were photos with an exhausted Lisbon in a hospital bed, a newborn Emma in her arms and all the while, not dropping her smile. He could also see a few tears on her cheeks. They were definitely happy tears.

So even after four births could she still be so happy about it as if it was her first time, as if that baby in her hands was the most precious thing she'd ever held – even though she'd held four beautiful babies before.

Another reason to love this woman ultimately.

He quickly looked through the photos, before looking for the one that he really wanted to see. He found it at the bottom of the pile, in a beige photo album. A picture of them together was in the front, and he smiled without thinking about it.

Opening the photo album, he was immediately met by Lisbon as Van Pelt worked on her hair. Both women were smiling from ear to ear, but Lisbon seemed to be completely off the world. Skipping to the next picture that featured only her, and without her knowing, he knew she really was off the world – she was smiling a gentle smile, one of those smiles that she didn't really think about, and her hand was touching her yet lipstick-less lips.

Oh, she had it badly. So, so badly.

But she looked so beautiful. He couldn't just skip this one picture. This one picture that she didn't seem to notice was being taken, so she didn't bother to put on a safe wall. She was daydreaming, and it looked so... perfect.

He sighed and lowered the photo album, putting it in his lap before he reached up to run a hand through his hair.

That moment, he heard a knock on the door and he knew who it was.

"Come in, Teresa."

She opened the door, closed it and sat down beside him immediately – well, sitting, more like sliding down the wall.

"What's the matter?"

Her eyes darted to the photo albums sprawled around him, and he sighed.

He didn't want to lie to her anymore. He didn't want to be himself, his selfish, arrogant, heartbreaking self. He wanted to be loveable, he wanted her to love him back even remotely the same way that he loved her.

"This... is going to sound really strange... but..."

She scooted closer and wrapped her arm around him. She didn't say anything though, just waited for him to start explaining.

"I don't feel myself. And I know it sounds vague, but it's true. I... we... this isn't real. We're not married, we don't have five beautiful children. It's all a glimpse. And I was so confused yesterday that I just had to stop by the office to see if anything had changed there but I came across the same problem-"

"What are you saying, Patrick?" she asked, and as he looked at her, he saw tears burning in her eyes. Dammit.

"I mean... I... I... What _is_ real is that I'm a cold-hearted, egoistic, selfish jerk that breaks your heart so many times that it can probably break no further."

She didn't seem to get any of this, and he sighed.

"I woke up one morning to find you beside me, and pregnant with my child and all the beautiful wonders who were running through the house. It isn't real, even though I _want_ it to be real. In my world, the real world, we never got married. After a year, we still were at the same phase as we were when we started off, and believe it or not, eight years later, we still hadn't changed a thing. We just came to a mutual agreement that we needed each other, but that we wouldn't change anything about our relationship. We've never discussed it but it was one of those things that didn't need discussion. I... I never gave up on finding Red John, and that is the main reason that I hurt you. There was this woman who worked for him, Lorelei. I met her in Vegas while I'd left you and the team for six months," and he saw in that moment realization dawn upon her why he'd ran upstairs, "and I'd slept with her. I never really wanted to, but I still did. All these years, I had planned for _you_ to be the first woman to sleep with after Angela, but it never came to that. He beat me to it, and Lorelei did too. I regret everything, so much, but you're hurt, in my world, and you can't accept my apologies. I understand that, completely, but..."

"That's why you find it hard to be happy with me now," she stated, and he looked at her, not actually believing that she completely believed what he was telling her. Then, he merely nodded.

She didn't seem sad or angry, just... disappointed, perhaps, he didn't know for sure.

"Why didn't you tell me this yesterday, Patrick?" she asked, her voice soft, as if speaking to a child.

"Because you were already stressed out about me and I didn't want to make it worse. Do you believe me if I say that I _do_ love you?"

She nodded, not hesitating one bit, but maybe that was because of the fact that she was used to hearing him saying it for the past seven years that she didn't doubt it anymore.

"And this... this 'other' you and me... are we... in love, or?"

"I am." No hesitation there because this glimpse made him absolutely sure about everything. "I don't know about you though."

She nodded. "I... I can't imagine not being in love with you... because I've been in love with you since the beginning."

He pulled her close to him and buried his head in the crook of her neck.

If it had been from the beginning, then she sure as hell would still be in love with him, or even just a bit, right now, in his world.

"Oh Teresa," he breathed, and pulled her even closer. Then, he put one arm under her legs and the other behind her back, lifting her up as if she weighed nothing, and placed her on the bed.

She shook her head.  
"No, no," she whispered, trying to get him off of her, but he didn't budge. Instead, he laid down beside her and pulled her even closer.

After over a minute of fighting, she gave up and relaxed in his arms – for as much she could be relaxed given what Jane had just told her.

"I'm sorry, Teresa. I don't want to hurt you. I hate it to hurt you. But... it's just who I am."

"And of course you can't change that, that will be impossible for you."

"Teresa, don't start like that, please. You know how much I love you."  
"Frankly, I don't right now. I- You know, forget it. Just, forget it. I'm just an emotional wreck and it seems it doesn't even matter to anybody-"

"It does to me-"

"Don't even start." She managed to get out of his hold, skillfully rolled off the bed and walked out of the room before he had the chance to say something more. A few minutes later, when he had given up hope of her coming back, she actually came back and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Virgil took the kids with him. _We_ need to talk."

"I don't have anything to say."

"Fine," she said, getting up but Jane did too and snatched her arm by her elbow, turning her around.

"Teresa, wait-"  
"What, Jane?" she snapped. His heart clenched at hearing his last name again, and he realized he was screwing up once again. Why was he making a habit out of this? He didn't want to be fighting with her, especially not now he knew how amazing it was to actually be on speaking terms.

He pulled her to him and linked their lips. Her anger vanished so quickly Jane didn't even know if it was physically possible, but he felt her body relax instantly the moment he put a hand in her neck.

She gently pushed him away after a few moments, but she didn't go far.

"Do you regret having the children?"

Did she really think about him like that? Did she really consider him 'the ruler of all evil'?

"Of course not, Teresa. And I don't regret marrying you either. It's the best thing I've done, even though I didn't really do it in my world."

That seemed to be all she needed to know, as she linked their lips again and pushed him to the bed.

* * *

**A/N: No, it's not going to be M. You'll see how I dealt with this next chapter, I promise.**

**And I hope you enjoy my work so far! Let me know, please!**


	4. Chapter Four

**A/N: Since this story is T, I'm not going to even try straying into M scenes. It's just going to be pointless fluff in the form of a making out session – and yes, there is some Angst in the mix there but that is basically what Jane and Lisbon's relationship is, not only in this story but in the show as well.**

**So we're straying into the Angsty area for a bit now, I'm sorry if that's not your cup of tea! But I teared up at the end of this chapter while writing it, so I hope you kind of appreciate all the work I've put in it ^^**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

* * *

**_'Over again'_**

**_Chapter Four_**

Was he ready for this? He didn't know. Was he going to go through with it? Probably. After all, this was what he had wanted for a very long time.

But yet, he couldn't do this. Not the real job, that is. Not when he and Lisbon were still fighting in his world. He couldn't do it with this Lisbon. He just couldn't. He loved her too much to have their first time – for him the first, that was, since this Lisbon... yeah, they had done it several times here – to be as some sort of make up sex.

And beside that, this wasn't his Lisbon. Sure, this was Lisbon alright, but not the Lisbon he had worked with for years.

For some strange reason, she seemed to understand him even though he hadn't uttered a word about his current feelings, and pulled away slightly to look at him.

"I love you, Patrick," she whispered, and she lifted her hand to show her wedding ring, "for better or worse. Just know that I'll support you, with this as well if you need it."

Jane just looked at this perfect woman laying in his arms. He'd basically told her that all of this wasn't true, that he wasn't married to her and he didn't have so many children with her, and still, she wasn't angry, or sad or disappointed. She was supportive, like she'd always been.

He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. He pulled her head against his chest, keeping her there with one hand while the other went to brush her belly – for the first time.

He wanted to do that more often, just lay down with her, kiss her as often as possible and have her belly be as rounded as it was now. He didn't know he wanted that two days ago, but he knew now. His feelings became much more clearer like this.

"God, how much I love you."

She scooted on the bed, reaching his eye-level, and smiled faintly.

Then, she averted her eyes briefly, only to look back at him.

"What am I like in this... other world?"

"It's not so much another world per-"

"Patrick."

He sighed, but didn't hesitate in telling her. "You're an amazing woman. You're the most perfect team leader, you're great with children and you're the only person that can control me."

He could see in her eyes that she realized that she was that person in this world as well.

"Teresa, you're not any different. You're the only steady factor in my life, and you'll always be that. The woman I love, the woman I've loved since the beginning. Yes, you haven't showed me what kind of life we could have together in 'that other world', but you're perfect either way. It's my fault that we're not married in that world. I was a cold jerk, I still am. But I'm trying."

She breathed in his scent and moved closer.

"Teresa," he said, gently, and she looked up at him again. "I'm here to be punished. Don't take this wrong, you're perfect and I love you. But I'm here to be shown what an imbecile I am, in ignoring my feelings towards you. They have always been there but I was afraid. Afraid of hurting myself, but most of all, afraid of hurting you. If I had something, some_one_ to love, I had someone to lose as well. And after losing Angela and Charlotte, that was the last thing I wanted to happen. But it was stupid, I can't live like an island the rest of my miserable life. And actually seeing what kind of fulfillment I could have had if I had realized this all at the beginning is enough torture."

"What about-"

"The kids? I'll love them with all I have, Teresa, for as long as I'm here. After all, you _are_ all I have in this world. And it's enough. More than enough."

He linked their lips again in that moment, telling her all the words he couldn't find.

And maybe it was stupid, and maybe it was completely, utterly dangerous, but he maybe he was going to take out that red velvet box he kept under his make-shift bed in the attic once he was back in his world.

She was the one to pull away, gasping for air. He smiled sweetly.

"I thought you would be used to this," he whispered. She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"We don't do this as often as we used to do."

"Then that's my biggest mistake I've ever made," he said, and she swallowed. He didn't give her time to react further and linked their lips again.

She didn't waste time and rolled onto her back, pulling his body on top of hers. She chuckled when she groaned. He didn't hate this position, not at all, but her belly pressed into his abdomen, making him feel butterflies in his stomach and he was feeling light-headed.

He loved her. And though that used to be a scary thought, it wasn't anymore now. He had been stupid, telling himself that he could live like an island for the rest of his life. Angela wouldn't want that anyway. He knew she would want him to be happy.

And he was happy now. With his beautiful lady underneath him, accepting his kisses, perhaps even more than accepting. Ruthlessly devouring him in return.

He loved her. And there was nothing he could do about it anymore. She had wrapped him around her little finger without even realizing it.

~OverAgain~

After a make-out session of over an hour, leaving Jane breathless, both literally and metaphorically, they had heard Minelli returning and had quickly made themselves presentable.

The man hadn't even looked surprised when he'd seen both their flushed expressions, just smiled softly and ushered the children inside.

"I'm sorry it had to go this way, Virgil," Lisbon apologized, but he shook his head.  
"No, it's fine. I'm not married to either one of you so I don't have the right to claim that much time while you have all these unresolved problems. I do hope it's solved now."

Lisbon looked at Jane briefly, who smiled at her, and she turned back to look at Minelli.

"It is."

"That's all I need to know." He leaned forward and kissed her cheek, before saying his goodbyes to the children and leaving.

Allen and Veronica immediately jumped against Lisbon, telling her what they'd done while outside, and one look at Lisbon's expression told Jane that she was exhausted – being pregnant and fighting/kissing with him finally took its toll on her body.

He let the kids finish their sentence, and then interrupted.

"So-o-o," he drawled, "Grandpa Virgil already took you out so I don't have to do that anymore-"

"Were you going to go to the playground with us, Daddy?" Veronica asked, her voice rather calm but her eyes weren't lying – she was exploding out of glee on the inside.

"While in fact I was, yes. But, seeing as you're all too tired to do anything-"

"No! We can go outside!"

The trio put on their coats already and Jane smiled at Lisbon – and he could read in her eyes that she knew what he was doing. She rewarded him with a smile.

Jane looked at Dale who was clutching at his mother's leg, and he sighed a bit before lowering to the boy's eye-level.

"You coming with, buddy?"

He shook his head, and Jane nodded.

"Okay. That's actually even better because now you can watch Mommy for me."

Dale smiled despite his thumb in its usual place, and that made Jane smile as well.

He placed a brief kiss on the boy's forehead and then ruffled his hair.

He looked at Lisbon again, and she was already moving to pick up Dale and probably put him in bed.

"Love you, Reese," Jane whispered, and she swallowed, then smiled.

Then, he followed the over-excited trio outside – well, more like they pulled him outside without giving him more time with Lisbon or Dale.

He noticed, much to his dismay but also maybe pleasure, that Veronica was so attached to her little sister that she had actually put the girl in the stroller, complete with coat, while Jane had talked to Dale.

He rolled his eyes.

"Are you sure Mommy would like this, Veronica?"

"No, she won't. But I will. It's not like Em can walk on her own so Mommy must know she's with us."

Jane smiled, and came to stand behind the girl, helping her pushing the stroller forth. She stepped on the little rest on the bottom of the stroller where bags were supposed to be put, but this way, she wasn't walking anymore.

"Em doesn't get out enough," Veronica said, probably not talking to anybody in particular but just rambling. And Jane wasn't about to stop her, it was too adorable. "She doesn't get to go to the playground with us because you don't want that. It's 'too dangerous' for her, of course not, we're here too. I won't let anything happen to Em," she said and jumped off the rest and ran to the front of the stroller, reached out to Emma and brushed her little cheeks. The girl immediately started to chuckle and Veronica clapped in her hands, satisfied she had that effect on her baby sister.

Within over ten minutes, they'd reached the little playground he hadn't known the existence of.

The twin had ran off immediately. They had been behaving really well, walking beside the stroller each at one side and responding to his questions but not misbehaving like he'd expected them to do. Seems like he had a wrong image of these children.

Veronica made sure Emma was safe with Jane before running to the swings where another girl around her age was located – they'd probably played before because they instantly started playing, pretending they could fly.

He looked at all his playing children for a few moments, before focusing on the baby in the stroller. She was looking at the sky, and as he looked up too, he saw a few birds flying there.

He smiled.

"These are pretty birds, aren't they, Emma?"

The girl's attention was pulled away from the animals and she looked at his face, a smile sprawling across her face immediately as she recognized his face. She reached up to touch him, but couldn't reach him because of the tray that was keeping her in the stroller.

He put the stroller beside a bench, and he sat down. He reached out his hands to her too and she immediately started chuckling as he lifted her out of the stroller and onto his lap, her back against his stomach.

She turned her head to look at him a bit, not losing her smile, before she decided she trusted Jane enough and turned to look at the playground.

She lifted her little hands again and pointed at her playing siblings.

"Yes, that's Perry. And Allen. Are you able to keep them apart already? I am. That's a good thing, right? I'm improving. I'm making progress."

Emma didn't pay attention to what he was saying, just looked at everything that was in front of her, sometimes making a little dance by rolling her weight from one side of his lap to the other. He was glad he could talk to somebody that wouldn't remember it afterwards.

Then, all of a sudden, Emma lost interest in the playground and squirmed in his lap. He frowned and turned her around, and that seemed to be exactly what she wanted. She put her little feet on his upper legs and he helped her stand up straight. She chuckled and giggled, then fell forward against his chest. He supported her and as she wrapped her arms around his neck, he felt tears starting to form in his eyes.

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve this beautiful child, _all_ these beautiful children, from such a beautiful woman, and that was exactly why he didn't have all of this in his world.

Emma pulled away slightly to look at him, and started touching his face, tracing his lips, his nose, almost poking in his eyes and chuckling when he made a tiny sound of pain.

"Oh, I love you, Emma," he whispered, and she smiled, as if knowing what the words meant. She tapped with her feet a bit before wrapping her arms around his neck again. They remained like that for a few minutes before he felt the tears he had been trying to hold back spilled.

Emma startled, her happy mood gone as she saw him crying, and she decided that joining him was for the best.

"I've been so stupid, Emma. So, so stupid. There have been so many signs, far too many, and..." he said between sobs, and he paused for a few moments, taking in deep, shuddering breaths. "And I just ignored them. If I had just listened to everybody and had looked at my feelings... then... then I would be able to... to... to..." he felt tears streaming down his cheeks again, and Emma's crying had been lowered to quiet sobbing. He didn't know if he should continue that sentence, but he still did. "To hold you for real. To be able to say that you are a part of what a beautiful soul creates with a less beautiful soul. I don't want it to be solely me anymore. I want her, I want you, I want the twin who suspect I'm an alien and the over-enthusiastic Veronica and the extremely shy Dale who is just too cute and I want the unborn child in Teresa's belly. I want it all, but I can't have it because I'm too _stupid_."

He stopped rambling and suddenly noticed that Emma was crying too, and he let out a panicked sound before pulling her closer to him, and as he calmed down, she calmed down too.

"I'm so sorry, Emma," he whispered in her ear.

He wasn't feeling like being here anymore. He didn't want to pretend like everything was fine while he had just come to a mutual agreement with his heart to spoil Lisbon senseless once he was home.

Emma seemed to have forgotten everything already now that he had stopped crying and was pulling at his curls, giggling. He sighed and pulled her close to him again, getting up. He walked over to the sandpit and put the girl down, sitting as well with his legs bent and crossed at the ankles. He studied how Emma reached around her to grab fistfuls of sand, only to throw it around her and onto him.

Now he was afraid of going to sleep.

~OverAgain~

Lisbon smiled as he quickly got into bed, pulling her into his embrace immediately.

She linked their lips before just reveling in his warmth, slowly drifting off to sleep. He refused to go to sleep, since this all could be gone when he went to sleep.

Their peaceful moment was disturbed though when they heard a baby starting to cry, and Lisbon groaned.

"I'll get her," Jane said, and returned within a minute with Emma in his arms, silent tears streaming down her face and her body shaking with soft sobs.

Lisbon reached out her arms and took the girl from Jane, cradling her against her chest. Jane got into bed and looked at Lisbon who tried to silence the baby. Apparently, being almost suffocated by her mother's breasts was a good thing and she stopped crying, placing her hands on Lisbon's upper arms. But maybe the fact that she was close to her unborn sibling had something to do with it as well. Lisbon smiled at Jane.

"Why don't I have breasts?" he asked, and she chuckled, scooted closer to him and placed her head on his shoulder. Instinctively, he wrapped an arm around her, while he gently rubbed the girl's back with his free hand.

He had the lingering feeling this was going to be his last moment with his family. Cat had said that he would go back when his time was up, but he didn't know when that was and whether he would get a warning. Probably not.

But since he was here to be punished, and he was the most punished now since he loved all that he had here, it was really likely that he would have to go now.

"I love you, Teresa, so much," he whispered, and she shook her head.

"I know."

"And I will always love you."

"I know, Patrick."

He sighed and leaned in to kiss the top of Emma's head. The girl chuckled and lifted her short arms to touch his cheek. He just leaned closer and placed his head against Emma's tummy, tickling her with his nose and blowing raspberries and she couldn't stop chuckling.

"She has to sleep, she won't sleep if she's all worked up."

He lifted his head to smiled innocently at Lisbon, and she rolled her eyes.

"Dammit," she murmured, but couldn't help but smile. "You'll go put her to bed then."

He nodded, and a few minutes later when they noticed Emma was starting to grow more tired, Jane picked the girl up and brought her to bed.

He couldn't help himself from stopping by at the other kids.

Veronica, sleeping in her pale pink bed, her dark-brown hair spread around her head. She had her thumb in her mouth, much like Dale did during the day, but hers was half-in, half-out. To her chest, she was cradling her light brown stuffed bunny, as though she was protecting it, but really, in the time he'd spent with the girl, he had found that she needed the animal in order to sleep peacefully.

He swallowed. She still reminded him of Charlotte, even though the girls looked nothing alike. Just the enthusiasm both had was what made them alike. And that was what probably made all of this harder. But he wouldn't make the mistake of drowning in his sorrow. Both girls were amazing and would always be in his heart, no matter what.

"I love you, Ronnie," he whispered, and he saw a faint smile appear on the girl's face, before she got absorbed in her dreams again.

He closed the door and walked into Dale's room. He noticed immediately that the boy didn't have his thumb in his mouth, but instead had a stuffed animal in his tiny hand. Jane had already noticed when he'd come back that afternoon that the little one seemed to be more confident already. Of course, he had still jumped away from any touch but he seemed to be more interested in what the rest was doing – and not only what Jane was doing but what the trio was doing as well. He considered that a good development.

"I love you, Dale," he whispered like he'd done to Veronica, and left the room.

That left the twin. He had always found twins fascinating. How two human beings could look so alike the other, but still be completely different concerning personality was something he just couldn't fathom – and there weren't many things he didn't understand.

But then again, he found birth fascinating as well, and it only made him admire women more, to be able to do something quite that difficult and painful was just stunning.

The boys were laying in their identical beds, just like all the others had been doing. They were peaceful and quiet – just like they should be the entire time.

Jane smiled a bit. It was interesting to see how the trio looked so much like him but Dale didn't at all. He neared his mother in behavior, even though Lisbon wasn't _that_ shy. She still refrained from interacting with people if it wasn't necessary.

The chances of him and Lisbon actually getting a twin in his world were slim to nil, if they would even have children _at all_. Didn't mean that he didn't want it.

Okay, so they couldn't have as much children as they had in this glimpse, considering it took a lot of time to get where they seemed to be here, and they were running out of time in his world, but they could still try for one baby. He would be happy with one child. _They could_ be happy with one child.

"I love you Allen. I love you Perry."

He sighed and closed the door behind him, slowly walking towards his and Lisbon's bedroom. He didn't want to go to sleep. Now that he had realized what a stupid jerk he had been, and had _really_ realized this, the chances of going back to his world were so big. And he didn't want to go anymore.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He startled and turned around, but calmed down again when he saw who had joined them.

"So you finally realized the truth?" Cat asked. Jane looked at her, stunned that she was actually following him, that she was here in his house, and he should've been scared or angry, but then he sighed again and looked at the four closed bedroom doors, with names on it in the kids' own styles.

He turned back to Cat, and nodded.

"You're not going to take me away from here now, are you?"

She didn't respond, just pressed her lips into a thin line, and he started shaking his head violently.

"No. No, you can't take me away. I love them. They are the only thing I have. Can't I just... no, Cat, please don't take me away from here-"

"Patrick, calm down-"  
"No, I won't calm down," he interrupted her, now getting angry. He wondered why nobody awoke and exited their bedrooms to check on him. "No, I've been separated from my family once, I'm not going to let that happen again. I know you told me that I would be going away from here one day but I don't want to. I don't want to go-"  
"Patrick, you have to."

He shook his head, finding no words, again, and started crying, _again_. It seemed like he was an emotional wreck these days.

"Why are you doing this? Do you like it to hurt people?"

"No, Patrick, I don't. But you've been hurting all the people around you as well-"  
"But I didn't mean to!"

"But you still did, Patrick! You did, and that's unforgivable! No matter how much you love her, no matter how many times you tried to make up to her! You did hurt her and she won't forgive you until you start taking that stupid head of yours out of the sand and _see_ for once. Look at what she's making you feel-"

"I already know that!"

"Then what's that feeling?"

He paused, then sighed and looked down.

"Love," he murmured.  
"What was that?"

"Love."  
"So... love? I mean, like the love you have for Grace? Sibling love-"  
"I'm in love with her."

She nodded instantly, as if these words had been printed onto his forehead since the very first moment, and he swallowed.

"I hate to do it, Patrick, but it's the rules."

"Isn't there any way you can break the rules somehow?"  
"I'm not like you, you know. I actually remember rules and stick to them."

"That-"  
"I'm sorry Patrick," she said, and stood.

"No, no wait. You can't do this. Give me more time, I need more time-"  
"You've had enough time."  
And with that, she walked away, disappearing into nowhere.

It took all his strength and willpower not to break down to the floor.

Instead, he walked into Emma's bedroom again. She was already vast asleep, her arms and legs spread around her and her mouth wide agape.

He reached into the bassinet and brushed her cheek briefly, not wanting to wake her up.

He wasn't going to cry anymore. He didn't want to waste his probably last moments with this family by crying.

"Is this it, Emma?" he asked the girl, but of course she didn't respond. He sighed.

"Two days ago, I didn't think I wanted to have a new family again and now all I want is more joy and more love and an even bigger family. I know it sounds insane."

He brushed a tiny Emma curl out of her face.

"Please remember me, Emma. Because we will meet again, I promise. I will do everything to hold you again, to hold all of you again. I love you, precious little Emma. I love all of you."

He pressed a tiny kiss to the girl's forehead and strolled over to his bedroom.

Lisbon was sitting against the headboard, upright, her hands stroking her belly, whispering things to it.

His heart warmed, but at the same time, it clenched. He knew he had to leave this behind, all of this, only to be replaced by a Lisbon who was ready to shoot him.

He laid down beside her and kissed her belly, then scooted up and kissed her lips.

"Goodnight, Reese. I love you."

She smiled and brushed his cheek, before she moved to lay down on her side, facing him. He mimicked the position, pulling her close to him but far enough to still look at her beautiful face.

She couldn't stop touching him, brushing his cheeks, his lips, his nose. Her eyes slowly fell closed. He could mark the exact moment in which he saw she was completely asleep, and he felt a single tear roll down his cheek.

"I love you, Teresa Lisbon," he whispered. He fought to keep his eyes opened for a few more minutes, and he actually thought he could win the battle but he noticed his eyes closing slowly until he fell asleep.

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**A/N: So is Jane going to wake up in his world? Stick around a bit to find out! And in the meantime, follows and reviews won't hurt!**


	5. Chapter Five

**A/N: This chapter is Angsty again – or, if you don't agree with the term 'Angst' after this chapter, then it's a lot of hurt and little comfort.**

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'_**Over again'**_

_**Chapter Five**_

He awoke to the sound of a person yelling on the floor beneath him.

He didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to be confronted by the fact that he wasn't married to her anymore, that they didn't have a family together. That he didn't have a perfect life.

He covered his eyes with his hands and groaned, feeling tears bubbling up already again.

Eventually deciding that he had to check on her, he uncovered his eyes and was met by the boring ceiling of his attic.

He groaned again and covered his eyes with his hands again.

This was exactly what he'd been scared of.

Now he didn't know what to do anymore. It had been so much easier to have Lisbon right next to him, accepting his kisses and his apologies, instead of dodging everything he told her and ignore him.

He got up and ran to the bullpen of the SCU, groaning once again when he saw Cho on his familiar spot, and Lisbon in her office.

She came storming into the bullpen, barking orders at the team – and his already small smile disappeared when he saw that her belly was simply flat.

"Cho, you take Jane. Rigsby and Van Pelt, you come with me-"

"I want to come with you," Jane said, thoughtless, and she actually startled. She got back her composure pretty quick though, and shook her head.

"You will go with Cho."

"Teresa, I want to go with you."

"Jane," she pressed out. Cho had already gotten up and was pulling Jane with him. He struggled though.

"No, Cho, let me go. Cho-"

"Jane, don't-"

"Cho-"

"Jane, really-"

"Cho, wait," Lisbon interrupted, and both men instantly turned towards her.

"Boss?" Cho actually asked, doubting what she wanted for the first time in probably his entire career, and she pinched the bridge of her nose, before facing her team again.

"Cho, you'll take Rigsby and Van Pelt. I'll take Jane."

"Are you sure?" Cho asked, and she nodded.

"We're a family. Family shouldn't fight."

The three nodded and left without saying a word other than 'see you, Boss' and 'good luck, Boss'. They probably saw the storm coming and didn't want to be there when it started raining like a bitch.

And so Jane and Lisbon were left alone in the bullpen.

He'd made an elaborate plan for the moment when he would come back to his world, but he couldn't remember it anymore. He simply couldn't.

Because when she looked at him with these beautiful emerald eyes, sadness radiating from her body, feeling like a punch in his stomach, all he wanted to do was fall back asleep and be back in the world where she was happy, his wife and the mother of his children.

"We need to talk."

"I don't have anything to say," she said bitterly, and his stomach turned. He had uttered these exact same words and understood now why Lisbon had been so angry when he'd said them.

"I'm sorry, Teresa-"

"Forget it, Jane. If this is the reason that you wanted to come with me to the crime scene, if you merely want to tell me empty promises and apologies, then screw you. I've had enough of it, alright. I'm tired of always being there for you and always supporting your actions while all I want to do is punch you in the nose because I hate-"

"Then do that, Teresa. Punch me."

She frowned, pausing her rambling. "What?"

"Punch me, I deserve it."

"I won't punch you."

"Why not? I know I deserve it, you know I deserve it. Even Rigsby knows I deserve it. Then why won't you punch me? Give me what I deserve for being such an ass? For being a prick, a jerk, your biggest nightmare, the most miserable friend you've ever had? Honestly, Teresa, you won't destroy my reputation or my image because I've already done so myself."

She looked at him for a few long moments, obviously trying to find a way of coping with what he was telling her now. Then, she just shook her head.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you think that everything will be fine just by telling me this? Because it won't, let me tell you that. I'm not one for admitting weaknesses or hurt but did you hurt me, Jane. I want to trust the people I work with and I can't trust you. Not since you told me that I could always trust you and then suddenly you disappeared for six months, only to come back telling me it was all a hoax, that it was just a plan to catch Red John. I've had it, Jane. I'm done with your crap. Completely done. I don't want to be hurt anymore, not by anything you do or say or will ever do or say. I tried to forgive you over the years but consider this the last straw."

They were quiet for a while, completely forgetting the crime scene they had to go to.

Then, all of a sudden, Jane stepped towards her and grabbed her hand, pulling her with him to his attic.

He closed the door behind her and faced her.

"Okay, this is going to sound really weird but I've had... a dream. In which we were married and had a family. No, Teresa, let me finish. We had a family, and we were happy. We had been wed a year after I signed on for the CBI, so that was seven years ago. We had five beautiful children and you were pregnant of our sixth child.

"The oldest were the twin, Perry and Allen, they were seven. They always stuck around each other, as if they couldn't be separated from each other. Also, they were conspiracy theorists because they believed I was an alien and they were your biggest nightmare since they looked like me, a lot, always getting into trouble. Then, we had Veronica, she was six. She was a bit too enthusiastic but we loved her all the same. She reminded me of me as well, in a weird way. She never seemed to be able to shut up.

"We also had a four-year-old son, Dale. He was very shy, he was more like you than me. I'm sure that if I would've tried harder, that he would have overcome his fears and lived up more. I suspected he was just a bit... cautious, of Perry and Allen. And we had a one-year-old. She was named Emma, and even though she was still so young, she was the sunshine of our family. And you were five months pregnant, so we had a perfect little one coming as well.

"And you know why I'm telling you this, Teresa? Because this dream looked too real. I _wanted_ it to be real. I've had these kind of dreams many times before, especially in the six months when I was in Vegas. I consider it... some sort of attempted wake-up call, to remind me of the little time I – _we_ – have. I don't want us to fight, to be angry, especially not since I can imagine how it would be like to be happy with you, just you. Just us, and maybe a perfect little creature, but that's not necessary if you don't want that. I don't want to fight with you, Teresa, of all people. You're the most important person I have in my entire life, you make me feel happy and loved, even though it takes a lot of energy from you to actually do that. And now that you're the one craving for comfort and a shoulder to lean on, your job has succeeded and I'm a happy man, kind of anyway, and I'll be there for you to return the favor. For better or worse.

"Because that's what partnership is all about, even though that's not what I want between us at all. If that's what would make you happy, to just be partners for the rest of our lives, then I'll sacrifice myself, completely, like you've done all the past years. I just won't accept it anymore that we keep fighting and stay angry."

He took in a deep breath, and made her sit down on his make-shift bed. Really, it genuinely wouldn't matter what he'd done in that moment, she wouldn't mind anything. She was so shocked by what he'd said that she was just standing there, staring up at him, her eyes wide.

"Can you try to forgive me, Teresa? Can you find a place in your heart that's not filled with my misery and crap and put in my heart? Because that's what I want you to do – to keep my heart with you, forever. Just in case you might need a new one. I don't need mine, I haven't had a heart anyway in the past few years because you've stolen it from me. I thought I'd claimed it back but I hadn't. And it are dreams like these that make me realize how very much I want you. All of you. Teresa, please, forgive me. That's all I need for now – your forgiveness. That will be the most precious thing I've ever owned."

"Jane-"

"No, Teresa, I-"

"Jane, shut up and listen to me for once." She took in a deep breath. "I don't know what's wrong with you and why you're behaving like this, but I'm glad you finally realized that how you have been behaving isn't the way."

He nodded, but she didn't add anything more.

"Do you... Do you want to try... _us_?" Jane asked, unsure, and she sighed, averting her eyes.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Jane."

He nodded, and swallowed, feeling the tears already coming on. He couldn't cry, not over her. That would make her look like all she caused him was sadness and that wasn't true. She was the best thing that had happened to him and he wouldn't want to change anything for a million dollars if they asked him to. He would lose his safe haven and home if she were to leave. He would be close to dying were that ever to happen.

It shouldn't hurt like this, though. He should've seen this coming. Asking Lisbon for her forgiveness had been only step one in the intricate web of plans he had to make to get her to love him back.

She sighed again, and ran a hand through her hair. Then, she suddenly realized that they actually had to go to a crime scene.

She stood, and he instantly followed her.

"We don't speak about this on the crime scene, Jane. Maybe we'll discuss it tonight."

He nodded. Tonight. Could he wait for so long? He didn't know. Would he try for her? Probably.

~OverAgain~

It shouldn't hurt, not in this amount, but it did: Lisbon had been ignoring him the entire day. Sure, she'd asked him for his opinion but when he'd told her some witty remark about the victim being a womanizer, she hadn't rolled her eyes or attempted to make him take back the words. She'd just turned her back on him and had started to bark out orders to her team again.

He swallowed back the lump in his throat. Getting her back was going to be tougher than he'd thought.

And it hurt even more when Lisbon moved to flee from her office that evening without having talked to him.

"Teresa, wait!" he exclaimed, and she stopped walking for a few seconds before she picked up her pace again. "Teresa, you promised we would talk-"

"I didn't promise anything, Jane. And even if I did, doesn't it look familiar? Promising stuff and then not keeping it?"

Teresa Lisbon wasn't just a cop – she was a professional boxer, she could deliver punches in the nose like no one else could. Even with words – _especially_ with words.

He was definitely KO right now.

"Teresa, I-"

"I don't need your apologies, Jane. I just need you to leave me alone. That shouldn't be too difficult for you."

She walked away but he was quicker, snatching her elbow.

"Teresa, you're going to listen to me, whether you like it or not. I'll cuff you to your desk if needed, but you're going to listen to me-"

"Leave me alone," she hissed, trying to escape his grasp but he was pretty strong if he wanted and needed to be. And this was definitely a case of such.

"I won't leave you alone, Teresa."

"Go away."

"Teresa, listen to me-"

"I hate you, Jane," she snapped, and he let go out of pure shock. "I hate you, and I don't want to listen to you. You don't have any right to talk to me, you destroyed that right months ago."

And with that, she left him standing in the hallway.

So that was it then? Was it going to really be this way?

He almost ran to his attic and closed the door behind him, angrily.

Dammit. Dammit all, to hell, preferably.

This was exactly what he _hadn't_ wanted to happen. He'd thought that Lisbon would be able to forgive him but it looked like he'd made a mistake in his reasoning. His angry little princess was _angry_. Not just angry but _angry_. Furious. He wanted to restore things but it was going to be much more difficult than he'd thought. He should've thought of all of this _before_ breaking her heart and running off with Red John's disciples.

How was he supposed to gain her trust like this? She wouldn't listen to a word he was saying, only pushed him away and didn't get the feeling

"You haven't tried enough," a voice said behind him, and he cursed at the startle it gave him. He turned and was immediately met by a pink blur. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"Cat, what are you doing here? Aren't you fake, like the glimpse?"

"I don't know if I should be offended or not." She sighed, and walked past him to sit on his make-shift bed. "Anyway, it's true: you haven't tried enough. What have you really told Teresa now? That you're sorry and that you want to start a family with her. How is she supposed to know that you'll stick around? How on earth is she supposed to believe anything you said? She has all reason not to trust you because you haven't exactly been honest to her in the past few years. You've betrayed her trust, she doesn't trust you anymore, and honestly, I wouldn't either."

He opened his mouth to say something but she held up a firm hand.

"Patrick, I'm here to help you. You've seen what kind of life you could have had with Teresa if you hadn't been stupid, now I'm going to try and get the two of you together like you were in the glimpse. I'm not going to brainwash her or anything, don't worry. No, everything has to come from _you_, because you were the person who'd screwed up, and not her."

She leaned forward and retrieved the red velvet box from under his bed, holding it out to him.

"I can't... I can't propose to her. Not after she told me that she hates me."

"Do you really think she means that? Of course not, silly man. She doesn't hate you, how could she? No, no, she doesn't hate you. Oka-a-ay, maybe she's a bit disappointed in you, but aren't we all?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I already told you, Patrick. Everybody here hates you. I believe even that cute security man in the main lobby, Jim, I believe his name was? I think that he hates you too. He really cares about the people that pass him on their way to work every day. You might not believe it but everybody knows you cheated on Teresa."

"Hey, I didn't cheat on Teresa-"

"Only because you weren't in an actual relationship. That doesn't mean you can't cheat on her. Patrick, you've told her that she could trust you. Well, she did just that and what did you do to prove that she can still trust you? Exactly, nothing. Well, only bad things but let's not discuss that now. You just abandoned her."

"Then what do you suggest I do?"

She sighed, and shrugged. "I dunno. Go to her apartment and show her that you won't leave her side anymore? Just thinking of something."

"So you suggest I stalk her."

"Kinda, sorta. Really, Patrick. You're creative, I'm sure you can come up with something. After all, you promised Emma that you would meet her again."

"How do you know that?"

"God, Patrick, I'm not stupid, okay. I was in your house before you got back here. I think I can know what you did in the last moments you had with your family."

Jane sighed, and walked to the windows. He placed his left middle finger against the material, and he sighed once again when he saw his wedding ring still on his finger. It wasn't the new one that had been on his finger in the glimpse, which had been silver, matching Lisbon's diamond ring, but the golden one – _Angela's_.

He pulled the ring off a bit and fingered with it, taking in deep breaths as he did.

Then, as if it had started burning, he pulled it off and frantically put it in his vest pocket.

He turned around, to see Cat softly smiling. She nodded.  
"That's a step in the right direction. Look, I don't want to force you into anything, and neither do I want to force Teresa. But I don't even exist in this world. Would you trust someone who doesn't have any records of being born or anything?"

"Well, I'm listening to you now so I suppose so."

"Anyway, that's not important. What is important is that I can't do anything here. I can talk to you but Teresa won't see me. Everything has to come from _you_."

"I will do anything to get Teresa to love me back."

"But she already loves you. The only thing you need her to realize is that you won't go away, no matter what. Can you do that, Patrick?"

He nodded, frowning a bit.

"Of course."

"Then go and prevent her from devouring that strawberry cheesecake she has in her fridge somewhere. You know she will, she may be strong at work but I do suspect that she cries her eyes out when she's at home."

He sighed, and she was about to walk out of his attic when he stopped her.

"Are you a part of my subconscious like Charlotte was?"

She just shrugged, and walked away, smiling.

He took in a deep breath and looked at the city that was slowly dying down.

He had to do this, no matter what. If he would wait a little longer, she would shut down completely and he would lose her forever. And he would die if that happened.

He couldn't remember anything about the drive to her apartment, only the extreme nerves he was feeling in his body the entire time, and the velvety fabric against the skin in the palm of his right hand.

He wasn't at all surprised when Lisbon opened the door with red eyes, her arms hugging her body.

"What are you doing here, Jane?" she asked, her voice small. She didn't even bother with putting on a mask. He shook his head.

He couldn't do this. He would break her heart, he would say one wrong thing and she would leave him.

"Never mind," he whispered, and she nodded, understandingly. But her eyes filled with small tears. She moved to close the door, and he made up his mind in that moment. "Wait."

She kept the door only barely opened, but didn't close it. He took that as his sign and gently opened the door. She walked further into her living room and he watched her, then spotted the cheesecake and an almost empty wine bottle on the table in front of the couch.

He closed his eyes briefly, then brushed the box in his pocket.

"I'm not going to yell at you anymore, Teresa. I don't want that, not to you. I just want to show you that I'm not going away. I'm not leaving you. These six months? They were the biggest mistake I've made in my life. I love you, and I won't let you go. You'll go to bed now, and I'll sleep on your couch and you'll see tomorrow morning that I'm still here. No funny stuff, I'll stay here like a good boy."

She just stared at him, going over the options she had, and then shook her head.

"I don't want to hear any of it, Teresa," he interrupted before she had the chance to interrupt him. "Just go to bed now, sleep, rest. If you need someone to hit, I'll be here."

A faint smile crept on her face, just for a few seconds, which caused Jane to smile as well. That was a good step, to make her smile. He would store that beautiful gesture in his mind for later.

She took in a deep breath and nodded, climbing the stairs without looking back at him.

He worked on cleaning her living room and then sat down on the couch, taking the velvet box out of his jacket pocket.

He should've asked her. After all, that had been the reason that he'd come to her in the first place. But he couldn't. Not because of her but because of him. He would hurt her, and anyway, she didn't reciprocate his feelings at all. The only thing she showed him now was that she hated him with her guts – no matter what Cat told him. Why should he believe a part of his subconscious?

Suddenly, he realized that the ring that was located in that very box he was holding, was actually the ring he'd seen on Lisbon's right hand in the glimpse. He didn't know why this was relevant but it felt like a punch in his face. He couldn't explain anything.

He took in a shuddering breath and put the box on the table, laying down on the couch like he would in the bullpen.

~OverAgain~

He awoke in the middle of the night, feeling a bit disorientated as he didn't know where he was at first, but then saw the insides of Lisbon's apartment and let out a sigh of relief.

He ran a hand through his hair. Yes, he'd forgotten that. The whole Lisbon-is-angry-as-hell-and-won't-accept-anything-I-do matter. He sighed again, and against his own logic got up and walked upstairs, in search for her bedroom. He would just look at her. Just give himself a picture of peacefully asleep Teresa Lisbon instead of angry and screaming Teresa Lisbon.

He found one door slightly opened and saw a faint light coming from within the room. It couldn't be the big light, so it had to be a little bed light. His heart constricted.

Was Lisbon afraid of the dark?

He pushed the thought aside and entered the bedroom, seeing the source of the light and he closed his eyes briefly.

Charlotte had had that exact kind of light next to her bed because she was afraid of the dark. Why didn't Lisbon say this? He would've helped her out.

He looked at Lisbon and immediately rushed over to place a hand on her cheek – it looked as though she was having a nightmare. She was squirming and it seemed she was already crying softly.

"Teresa," he whispered, brushing her cheek and sitting down on the edge of the bed facing her.

"Teresa, wake up, I'm here. It's okay." She didn't wake up though, just started squirming more frantically, murmuring incoherent things until it became coherent and he was ready to slap himself once again.

"Jane, don't leave. Don't leave me," she cried.

"Teresa, it's me, Jane. I'm here, I'm not leaving," he whispered, but when nothing else worked, he carefully put his hands underneath her and pulled her up into his arms, gently shaking to wake her up.

She gasped with the force of waking up, and it took a minute or two for her to calm down while she was shaking with uncontrollable sobs. When she had calmed down, reality started to sink in and she pushed him away.

She stared at him.

"What are you doing here?"

He sighed. "You were having a nightmare."

"Yeah, I concluded that myself, thank you very much. I mean, why _were_ you even in my bedroom? You can't hear a thing from here downstairs."

"Teresa, let's not discuss that now, okay? What was your dream about-"

"No, Jane, I want to know. Why were you in my room?"

He closed his eyes and lowered his head. "I wanted to check on you because I was worried."

"Why in hell would you be worried about me, Jane? How the hell does this even care? I thought you didn't find anything I did and felt important?"

"Don't start like this, please, Teresa. Why is it so difficult to accept that I care about you? That I love you-"

"Don't feed me crap, we both know you're lying through your teeth."

"But I'm _not_, Teresa!" he exclaimed now, shocking both of them. He regretted screaming at her immediately. She reached out and hit his face, not punching it but using her flat hand to make his cheek burn.

"Don't lie to me, Jane. I've had it with you and lying. Just get out of my house."

"No, I won't leave."

"Then get out of my bedroom."

"Fine," he spat and got off the bed. He closed his eyes against the hurt, then, without turning back to her, exited her bedroom.

He stormed downstairs and angrily fell on the couch, not willing to leave the entire apartment.

What was her problem? Why was it so difficult to accept that he was in love with her and that he didn't want to leave her alone?

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**A/N: I loved writing angry Lisbon, I don't know why. Hope you like the direction I'm taking this! Let me know please, feedback is very much appreciated!**


	6. Chapter Six

**A/N: Okay, so I know it's been a while but I've been really busy with school, I had exam weeks so... but I'm done now, so I can waste my life again ^^**

**This is the last chapter, well, except for the Epilogue, so you can guess if it's gonna be alright... I'm so awfully predictable it's not even funny anymore.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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**_'Over again'_**

**_Chapter Six_**

He spend a greater part of the night brooding. What was is that kept Lisbon from giving in? Surely she should know by now, after all the things that he had done to prove it to her, that he loved her, right?

He was on the edge of crying, and now that he thought about it, he was actually crying, holding the velvet box in his hands. He couldn't live without her. If she were to leave him, he would die. There must be a way to show her. There must be.

Yet, he couldn't think of anything.

So he just laid down on the couch, placing the velvet box on the table and waiting for sleep to win. He didn't know what to do anyway.

~OverAgain~

He awoke to ruffling next to him, and he slowly opened his eyes.  
Lisbon was sitting on the floor next to the table, holding the velvet box in her hands. He saw that she was wearing the Lisbon Jersey, and though he'd seen it already once, the circumstances had been different then.

He groaned softly at his stupidity of blatantly leaving it there, and she looked up.

They were quiet for a long time, just looking at each other, and he felt like he'd screwed up again, just by leaving that box on the table.

"What is this, Jane?" she asked, and he felt a bit of victory inside his chest when he noticed her voice was steady again – so she'd either cried all night or she was already over it. He suspected it was a mixture of both.

"An engagement ring."

She nodded, and put it down.

"What do you think you're doing, Jane? Do you think it will be okay just by stalking me? No, don't say anything. I don't need this, Jane. This ring, these promises."

"Well what _do_ you want?"

"Tell me one thing, Jane. Do you hate me?"

"Of course I don't."

"Then why would you do this to me?" she asked, lifting the box.

He shook his head. He wasn't going to win this. She wasn't going to believe him, not even if he put that damn ring on her finger and spent all his years with her. She was just going to continue ignoring him and being angry at him. He sighed in exasperation.

"Why won't you believe me when I say that _I love you_, Teresa? Why can't you just put your stubbornness aside and accept the fact that I just told you that I love you?"

"This isn't about my stubbornness, Jane-"

"I don't see anything else that can cause this-"

"What do you think about everything you did with Lorelei, huh? Have you ever thought for a second, that maybe, just maybe, I was jealous of her? I know, I know, it's stupid anyway, why should I be jealous? I don't even have you. Oh god, I'm just too pathetic. Get out of my house."

"Teresa, I won't-"

"No, I get it now. You won't leave me, bla bla, just leave me the hell alone. I don't need your pity, if that is what you wanted to bring me because I've been swallowing the hurt ever since you started acting like you did for years and I can take it. You don't have to worry about me, trust me-"

"Oh, I trust you."

"That wasn't the question-"

"Teresa, don't be like this, please. I want you, and I need you."

She shook her head, shot up and started to pace the room. "Shut up."

"I love you, Teresa. I won't let you go. I won't let you feel this way because of me, because of _anyone_. No one has the right to make you feel this unwanted, especially not me. I should punish myself for wanting this but I love you and want to be by your side the rest of your life."

"Don't, Jane, please," she begged as she turned back to him. He noticed as she continued talking that the anger had somehow left her voice, and a softer version was left behind. "Don't make promises you can't keep. We both know you can't keep them, Red John is more important to you. Just leave me be, okay? I'm okay with not being your priority-"

"Teresa, you _are_ my priority!" he exclaimed. He felt tears stinging in his eyes – he didn't care. She had to see what her stubbornness and hate was doing to him.

He wiped at his eyes but was too late, feeling the tears falling down his cheeks already. "You're my biggest, most important priority. Yes, Red John is important but at the end of the day, it's _you_ who makes my life worth living, and not him. _You_ are the one worth fighting for, and I'll do that till you realize that everything I say and do is true and that I'm not lying." He picked up the box and she shook her head frantically, but he did too. "The only thing I'm asking of you, Teresa, is that you trust me, and that you believe that what I'm doing is true. Here, keep this. One day, I'm going to put it around your finger. Until that day, think about how many women I've given such a ring."

They were quiet for a long time after that, looking into each other's eyes and Jane noticed she was fighting her tears. She swallowed.

_Leave now, Patrick Jane. You're confused, she's confused, nothing will help this, it will only make matters worse._

He turned around and walked to the door, having a severe feeling of despair when she didn't stop him, but just as he was about to open the door, she stopped him.

"Wait."

He turned back to her, and she held out the box to him.

"I don't need it."

"But I want you to keep it-"

His breath caught in his throat when she raised her left hand, and he saw the diamond ring on her ring finger.

"I don't need the box because I will keep the ring around my finger." She sighed, crossed her arms against her chest, still holding the box, and walked towards him. "Just promise me one thing, Jane."

"I will promise you-"

She held up her hand and he stopped.

"Just promise me that you don't get yourself killed in the process of catching him. I don't think I will be able to live without you."

He swallowed and moved closer to her, until their faces were just inches apart.

"I promise, Teresa. I will never leave you again." And with that, he bowed down and kissed her. She didn't flinch away from him, but didn't give in instantly either. He supposed she had the right to do so.

The moment where he lost himself though was when she threw away the box which landed on the floor with a soft thud, and gave in, wrapping her arms around his neck and deepening the kiss. He pushed her backwards until her back hit the wall and she let out a low yelp. She again didn't do anything to stop him, she only moved closer until there was neither air nor space between them.

He was the first one to pull away, only slightly. Just to look at her. She didn't accept it though, and pulled him in for a kiss again.

It took a time before his brain caught up with what was happening, but when it did, she was wrapping one leg around his waist and his brain was lost again.

He lifted her, and she wrapped both of her legs around his waist. He climbed the stairs, finding it difficult with her in his arms, but found the bedroom nonetheless.

He carefully put her down and crashed beside her, pulling her into his arms. She moved to kiss him again, to take it further but he just brushed her hair and kissed her temple.

"Teresa, we won't do this unless you're absolutely sure-"  
"Dammit Jane," she murmured, and pushed him on his back.

"And I haven't even proposed properly to you-"

"Then do it now," she whispered against the skin in his neck. He groaned and pushed her away, gently.

"Teresa, I-"

"Patrick," she breathed, "you were the one to start this and now you're breaking it off already? And do I need to remind you that I'm already wearing a ring?"

"Will you please marry me, Teresa?"

"Yes," she whispered before he could even finish his sentence, and he pulled her in for a kiss.

Jane hadn't known the previous evening that this day would go like it did now, but he wasn't complaining. It had taken all the willpower he could muster not to take things any further when he had slept next to her in the glimpse, when she had specifically _asked_ for him take things further.

In a final attempt to make one of them come back to their senses, he pulled away slightly. "Are you absolutely sure-"

"Shut up, Patrick," she almost spat, but the weight of the words were lost when she quickly pulled her Jersey over her head, to reveal ivory skin and a bra made of black lace, with a red ribbon between two perfectly rounded breasts.

Whatever this day would bring, nothing could destroy this anymore.

~OverAgain~

Jane's side felt cold when he woke up. He looked at the windows and saw it was fast becoming dusk. He sighed and felt beside him, but Lisbon was gone.

Well, he just granted her these short moments of freedom. After all, he'd had more than ninety percent of the day with her – they'd made love uncountable times. Okay, not uncountable, it had been five times. He wouldn't forget that, never. After all these years of silently waiting for this to happen, he would probably write down somewhere how many times they'd made love in total – well, maybe not since Lisbon would kick his ass so hard they probably wouldn't be able to do it anymore.

For what it was worth it; this was the best day of his life so far. What they had now wasn't just about sex, it was so much more. Attraction, a connection, _love_. Making love to Teresa was emotional, but so beautiful. He wouldn't want to have it any other way.

He sat up straight and found her in the doorway with a lazy grin on her face. In her hands was a tray with two wine glasses and from what he could see, two places full of food. Was that... lasagna?

"Well hello, sleepy head," she softly said, and he couldn't help but smile himself. "I thought, since it's already eight and we do have to eat something, why not try some of my self-made lasagna?"

His smile widened as he sat up straight. She approached him and put down the tray next to him. He inhaled the scent of the food and almost chuckled.

"You could make me lasagna any day."

She just rolled her eyes. She sat down beside him, against the pillow, and brushed his cheek briefly. She sighed.

He looked at her for a few more seconds, before he started eating. He moaned and looked at her again.

"God, this is delicious," he said, and she smiled. "Oh, and the lasagna is delicious too."  
She rolled her eyes, ignoring the last comment when she continued.

"I'm glad. I put so much love in it I felt like my grandmother baking cookies." She cleared her throat, and he smiled bright when he noticed she was going to imitate her grandmother. "Teresa, dear, there's nothing more romantic than a wife baking delicious refreshments for her husband." She sighed and leaned against the pillows again. "Now, I know I'm not your wife yet..."

"We don't need the formalities for it to be official, Teresa. At least, not for me, unless you are looking forward to putting on a dress."

Her face was a picture, and he leaned in to steal a quick kiss from her.

"But we do have to have the formalities, Patrick. I know we love each other enough, but I want people to see that you're taken."

"Like that's a problem for you."

She gave him a pointed look and he sighed. "Fine, I know. But for what it's worth, you're much, _much_ better than her. And anyway, I've got some serious competitors as well."

"Like who?"

"Mashburn, Mancini, Kirkland."

She huffed. "Mashburn was just a one-night-stand, Kirkland and I are just friends and Mancini is a loser."

He chuckled again, and focused on the food.

"Before our food gets cold," he said, and picked up a fork. She followed his lead and they ate in a comfortable silence, sometimes just smiling at each other for no other reason than the love they shared. Afterwards, Jane put the tray and all the other stuff on the floor, and when he'd turned back to Lisbon, she was already laying on her back, looking at the ceiling.

He smiled again, finding he just couldn't stop smiling when in the presence of this beautiful woman, and laid down beside her, propped up on one arm, staring down at her.

She closed her eyes briefly, and he lifted his hand to trace her lips, her nose, her eyes. He saw her bottom lip trembled a bit, and he sighed.

"What's bothering you, love?"

She shrugged. "Not much. It's just... I couldn't stop thinking about what you said about these dreams you kept having... did you really... I mean... do you really want that?"

He shook his head exasperatingly. "Of course I do, Teresa."

"Then tell me, how did you handle having all these kids around you?"

He sighed again and laid down completely beside her, pulling her in his arms.

"To be honest? It felt completely natural. Like that was how it was in real life as well. And really, I want it to be true."

"But we can't have five children anymore."

"Do you really think I _have_ to have five children?" he asked, incredulously, and he chuckled at her surprised face. "Teresa, I wouldn't want to put you through that. Getting children is a beautiful thing, but also very, very painful. And at your age..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, offended.

He rolled his eyes. "Nothing, dear. I just think that you would be happy with just one baby, after the birth. You know, in these dreams, you had to stop being a team leader because your body couldn't take both jobs anymore."

She almost gasped, and he chuckled again.

"Think about it like this: the chances of you having to stop with your job due to your pregnancy are much smaller this way."

"I'll just lend you my body to fulfill your wicked dreams then."

"Oh, Teresa, don't say it like that. I know you want it too."

"I swear, sometimes I wonder why I love you, you're just despicable."

He smiled, and kissed her again. He pulled away slightly, looking at her, and he brushed a strand of hair out of her face. He sighed.

"I do want to know one thing, Teresa," he whispered, and she nodded. "Are these nightmares you had this night something you have... all the time?"

She blushed, and nodded again. "Yeah... it kind of resulted from your absence. I guess I'm just... afraid, of losing you."

He scolded himself. This was his fault. He had caused her to have these nightmares. He had made her believe he was going to leave her, was going to hurt her. It was all his fault, like everything was. He was the bad factor in their relationship, she was nothing but goodness. She was perfect, a saint, and he had damaged her.

"I'm sorry, Teresa, for leaving you. I never should've done it. I never should've waited as long as I did now to admit my feelings. It shouldn't have taken me eight years. I should've told you after a year already. I have been stupid. So, so stupid. If I would've just told you, you wouldn't have been hurt the way you were hurt this way when I went to Vegas. You would've known that I would come back, that I cared about you and that I loved you. You would've known that I didn't do any of that to hurt _you_." He sighed, and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. "I can't lie. There is a chance I will leave again. But never for six months again. It tore me apart, Teresa. But no matter if I leave in the future, I will _always_ come back. _Always_. I can't live without you, Teresa. I love you too much, it will be the same as ripping my heart out and having it ran over by a van to leave you. I won't be able to survive that."

She buried her face in the crook of his neck, and as he wrapped both his arms around her tiny body, she started sobbing quietly.

"Oh Teresa," he whispered. He put a finger under her chin to make her look up, and she did, tears spilling from her beautiful emerald eyes. His heart broke. He wiped tears from her eyes, but she couldn't stop crying.

He would probably never get used to seeing Teresa Lisbon cry.

He pulled her closer, if that was even remotely possible, and whispered sweet nothings into her ear, kissing the top of her head from time to time. She kept crying, but after ten minutes, her sobs subsided slowly and she looked up at him again.

"I thought you hated me," she whispered, her voice thick because of her tears. "That the friendship we seemed to have meant nothing to you. That I was just a prop, a pawn in your stupid games. I thought I didn't mean anything to you."

What was he supposed to say to this? He couldn't make up for his faults, not in a thousand years. He could only help her get over the horrible experiences she'd been through and hope that one day, she would be able to forget all that happened in these six months.

"I don't hate you, Teresa, not at all. Not even a bit. Thinking about you was what got me through these months."

He pulled her closer again, before he saw the light next to her bed and couldn't help but ask.

"Why do you sleep with a light next to your bed?"

She chuckled faintly, and wiped at her eyes. She seemed to be glad that he switched topic, even if it was being switched to a probable difficult topic as well.

"My father became an alcoholic after my mom died. Every evening, he would come home completely wasted. He wouldn't even remember that we were his kids. He would be wandering through the house, looking for me because I was the one responsible for putting him to bed." She paused. "He used to hit me. And my brothers. Always in the evening, when it was dark. I guess it's a trauma now."

He brushed her back tenderly. "I don't think you need it now anymore, now that you've got me."

She rolled her eyes, but he shook his head.

"I'm serious, Teresa. I will protect you. Even if you find it ridiculous, hell, even _I_ find it unnecessary, because I know you can protect yourself perfectly fine. But that's all I can do now. I'm not capable of much more."

"Don't talk so low of yourself, Patrick. You just showed me the entire day that there's much more that you can do. And honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way. Today was the best day of my life so far. And knowing you, I will get even more days like today. As long as you stay with me and make love to me from time to time, I'm a happy woman, Patrick. And you're far better than you think. I wouldn't have fallen in love with you otherwise. You well deserve my love just like I deserve yours – I suppose."

He sighed contently. Life couldn't get any better.

"Can I ask one more question?" he asked, and she rolled her eyes.

"You never shied away from asking questions before."

He rolled his eyes too, but looked into her eyes to wait for consent. She looked at him as well, then sighed and nodded.

"What did you in? I mean, with accepting my love?"

She was silent for a long time, in which she slowly pushed away from him, but never actually left the warmth his body provided.

"When you asked me to think about the women you gave a ring." She paused. "Because I realized that only Angela had your ring."

He nodded slowly, and kissed her lips briefly.

"Lorelei didn't have me, Teresa, and she'll never have me because I'm already yours. I will always be yours, okay? No matter what."

She nodded, and scooted closer again.

"I love you, Patrick."

"I love you too, Reese," he whispered against her lips, and as she pulled him on top of her, he knew he wouldn't sleep much that night.

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**A/N: So, you liked how I tried to finish this story? Of course you don't, but okay, at least I tried. Let me know though!**


	7. Chapter Seven: Epilogue

**A/N: I was ill! I've got an excuse this time!**

**Okay well anyway, this is the official last chapter of this story! I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! ^^**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

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**_'Over again'_**

_**Chapter Seven – EPILOGUE**_

_Four years later_

"Emma, will you put that down? Dammit, Patrick! Hazel and Tyson are fighting again!"

Great. He loved it, the chaos. It was like a heartbeat in his head that wouldn't go away – the screaming, the crying, the sounds of chairs falling over and Lisbon cursing. This sure as hell was way different than what he had seen in his glimpse.

He ran into the kitchen to find exactly what Lisbon had said – Hazel and Tyson, 'fighting', which more or less meant bashing each other's heads in with their stuffed animals without realizing it hurt for the other, since they were just two and were too young to realize it. James was sitting just a few steps away from the two, chuckling.

"Hey, stop it you two," Jane whispered gently, and took the animals from the two. They were flabbergasted for a few seconds, before they saw his face and chuckled.

"Yeah, daddy's here," Jane smiled, and brushed both their cheeks before placing the stuffed animals on the kitchen counter.

He saw Lisbon running past with a crying Emma on her hip.

"She poked into her eye with her pen. I really have no idea what to do with her now, it's not severe enough to go to a doctor-"

"I'll take her," Jane said, and reached out his arms to the girl. She did the same and Lisbon rolled her eyes before handing her to Jane. Emma was a daddy's girl but that was probably because he was basically in love with her the moment she held his finger in her little hand – he was in love with all of his and Lisbon's children, though.

Emma buried her head in the crook of his neck and wrapped her legs around his waist.

"It's okay, Emmie, I'm here," he whispered in her ear and walked out of the chaotic kitchen into the much quieter living room and sat down, Emma now in his lap.

He gently pushed her away to look at her eye. Around the emerald green in her eyes, the white was tainted a bit red but not excessively so. It was probably because she had been crying. He brushed her cheek and she moved closer to him again.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," she whispered in his ear.

"Why is that?"

"Because I didn't listen to Mommy."

"Yes, that is bad, isn't it?"

She nodded, and he smiled faintly. "What were you making?"

She calmed down a bit after that question, just like he knew she would.

"A drawing for Grandpa Virgil."

"Then why don't you change that to a drawing for Mommy? So you can make it up to her?"

It wasn't like Lisbon was truly angry at the girl but he did know that she would look for her own mistakes when trying to figure out why Emma wouldn't listen to her.

The pain in Emma's body seemed forgotten as she jumped away with a bright smile. Before he could say something more, she ran back into the kitchen where the trio had calmed down a bit, and Jane decided this was probably a good moment to check on Lisbon. Since he didn't want to die and he knew her well enough to know that when she didn't know what to do with one of her children, she was stressing and fear of death was present if that happened.

He found her sitting on the floor, the three toddlers in front of her, looking at her. Jane had no idea what she was doing until he walked around the four and saw she was making strange faces, causing the three to chuckle and clap in their hands.

She smiled up at him. She shrugged. "At least they don't kill each other."

He laughed – she was just too adorable.

"Dale might wake up now," she said, as she moved to pick up one of the three chuckling toddlers, then bent through her knees to get another too. It seemed she left Hazel all alone on the floor and she did not like it one bit, and started crying.

Jane rushed to pick her up and within seconds, she was quiet again.

"I'm going to check on Dale then," Jane said, stepped closer to Lisbon to steal a kiss and she smiled when he pulled away.

She threw the two boys in her arms in the air a few inches, causing the two to chuckle even more. Hazel in Jane's arms started chuckling too and Lisbon and Jane decided it was best that they were separated before the chuckling would turn into crying, and they really didn't want to witness three crying toddlers.

They went up the stairs to the triplets' bedroom and he gently put Hazel in her bed, making sure she didn't jump off it and that Lisbon saw that he left the room, then walked into Dale's bedroom.

Not surprisingly, the little boy still was sleeping and didn't give any indication that he was going to stop any time soon. Jane brushed his cheeks.

"Are you happy, Patrick?" he heard a voice behind him ask. He hadn't heard that voice for four years, and frankly, he was glad that he hadn't seen her that much.

He turned around and was greeted by a brightly smiling Cat who was leaning against the with small cars and trains decorated wall. She was still a pink blur, with her bright pink dress that hardly reached her knees and her equally pink stilettos.

He nodded, and turned back to the sleeping boy.

"I'm impressed, Patrick. Really, I am."

"Why?" He turned to Cat again.

"Because you believed me from the beginning. You didn't doubt it one bit, the hope of it being actually true was too big for you, obviously. You really wanted it to be true, you really wanted to taste that perfect life that you didn't have. It's impressive. And you found out how stupid you were without much help. Sure, I sent you to the glimpse but come on, it was kinda necessary, don't you think? Anyway, I'm happy for you, and Teresa. And I'm feeling for Emma, really. Poor kid. I mean, one younger sibling? Sure. Two? Getting kinda problematic. Three? Na-ah. And then Dale too. But she can be a big sister now. Talking about being a big sister, how old are all the kids now?"

Jane turned back to Dale. He didn't get her train of thoughts, but then again, he hadn't understood her from the very beginning. "Emma is three years and two months. The triplet is two and Dale is nine months."

She whistled. "Breeders."

He chuckled. "But we're stopping now."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I sure hope so. What are the triplet's names?"

"Are you planning on writing a book or what?"

"Just asking, Patrick. I'm just curious."

He rolled his eyes. "Tyson Perry, James Allen and Hazel Veronica."

She wriggled her eyebrows. "I see what you did there. It was noble to give them the names of your 'glimpse children'."

"The names were perfect."

"And so were the children." Jane nodded. She paused then, and he knew they were heading in more serious territory now. "Just promise me one thing, Patrick."

"And that is?"

"Don't make me come back, please. I don't wanna see you again," she said with a big smile, and he smiled back.

"I like you too, thanks."

"I'm serious, Patrick."

"I'm too. I can't live without Teresa anymore, Cat. I love her too much. And I love Emma. And Dale. And the trio. I still can't believe we actually made three at a time."

She chuckled, then threw her blonde hair back with both her hands.

"I bet you were running out of time," she said dryly, and he smiled. "Anyway, I'm leaving now, Patrick. Good luck."

"Cat, wait."

She turned on her heels, crossing her arms against her chest. "Yes?"

"Thank you."

"You shouldn't thank me, I'm just a part of your subconscious. Kind of anyway."

"See, I knew it."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, you smartass, you were right. Don't flatter yourself."

He shrugged. "It's what I do best."

She smiled softly, then nodded and walked out of the room, the sound of her stilettos on the floor slowly dying down.

Funny, how his life now looked so much like the perfect life he'd had in the glimpse.

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**A/N: I know it's rather stupid, a triplet, but come on, it was just too tempting. So let me know if you liked it!**

**Over Again is OUT! Thanks for reading!**


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